The Art of Noticing

The arts of noticing

The arts of noticing can either be a blessing, or a curse. It can be the most beautiful gift, or the most dreadful and aching curse. Those blessed with such things feel the most; become most aware of emotions. To see a loved one feel hurt by another's actions or words said to them for no tasteful reason. When you pass by a trio of friends and you see a glimpse of the third's expression, not quite matching the contentment of their friends. You wonder why when they're spending time with people they love and share interests with, how could one look indifferent? You see them smile and laugh along, but it holds a void within the laugh. The smile never fully reaching their eyes to give them those delicate crinkles around. When you wonder why they don't seem happy despite being around friends, they are wondering deep down inside why they must always have to be the one in the backseat when they drive around their hometown or why they always end up walking behind them on the sidewalk, or the one always walking in the grass instead of being on the pavement with their friends. They smile and laugh, but they wonder if and when, they'll meet a group of people who won't ever make them feel like the third wheel or even second choice. Someone who just simply wants to fit in with them, without forcing the puzzle piece. You wonder about the person that is in a relationship, why they may have become more distant. Were they actually happy in the relationship? You've learned to mind your own business, but what you didn't know is the person began believing their significant other is still in love with their past; not living in the present with whom is meant to be their new love. They were now stuck in a relationship with someone they truly and deeply loved, but knowing they weren't receiving the truth back. So, they stayed. Because they plainly couldn't see their life without them, whether or not it meant being loved back. As for, them being in their life and not being loved back meant to them that they would still be around in their life, whereas leaving the relationship would cause them much more ache. To the one who had just received a degree at thirty two years old, they smiled brightly but when they went home that night, they still cried to themselves. You wondered why, not being able to mind your business, you couldn't help it. They cried despite finally doing what they've been trying to do for years, but they didn't cry because of their hard work. Though rather, they cried as they felt behind on life. They seen all of their other friends get theirs much earlier, years before them, and saw themselves as a runner in a racetrack. Their lane being much longer with many more obstacles that were proven difficult and when they seen their friends lanes, well, they were all different. All complex, but they didn't see that. Why would they? All they seen were the easy parts. How one friend had fewer obstacles and how another's lane was drastically shorter. They viewed their lane and compared it, not being able to see the true success in their own story because they felt theirs were much less significant to those of their friends, all due to the fact they achieved their success quicker. You couldn't help but notice a peer look so happy after they told all about how they felt stronger once they cut ties with people in their life who didn't have a healthy impact on them. Though later that evening, they were seen once more sitting on the bench with a frown across their face. You wondered, they spoke of being so strong and much happier so why look so dreadful? But what you couldn't know is they still couldn't help reminisce the times that were good. There weren't many of good times with these people that are no longer apart of their life, but there were still a few. Very few moments where she had actually felt worthy to those certain people. Another, an elderly man seen walking every single day without fail; all different times. You thought to yourself, an old man simply getting exercise and not taking it for granted. So, that's how it looked to bystanders. What you may not have realized was the elderly man walking every single day without fail to visit his deceased wife at the local cemetery. During his life, she loved him everyday as he loved her just as much. After her passing, he never moved onto another. He believed people have a one true soulmate in their life and his just happened to visit heaven a little earlier before him. Despite this, he made her a promise he'd visit her daily. It didn't matter much to him if it were raining, snowing or if the leaves were falling because this was his true love. Through all of these years of noticing the smallest things in life that led to an ache in the heart, there was a beauty in it as well. Like, when the person who constantly seemed to be the third wheel to their group of friends, they were eventually seen going out with a new group who made her smile reach her eyes, even more so, squinting with happiness. One who no longer sat in the backseat alone, or had to walk on the grass on their own anymore but was given space to feel more wanted. As for the one that felt trapped loving someone dearly who they knew couldn't love them back, finally found someone that could give them all of the love in the world and more. Who had stayed in their driveway until they made it safely into their home, who messaged them to simply check on how they were feeling and hearing every last ramble of theirs to eventually seeing each other in suits and a long white wedding dress; ready to be given the love they wanted to feel many years ago. With the one who cried over getting their degree so late, they had found a job years later and ended up getting many promotions with a high paying career that they couldn't love more. They didn't see their life as a racetrack anymore but rather a yard with a very tall fence, because the only yard they had to focus on was theirs in the very end to make it as green as they wanted it to be. The reminiscing one who stopped to think about the people in their life whom they had to cut ties with, they no longer thought of. They soon came to the realization that they didn't want to dwell on things that had already happened and would rather be content and move on with their own life, creating even better memories with even better people who wanted nothing but the best for them. Soon enough, they didn't give those people in the past another thought ever again. The elderly man may have seemed heartbroken and perhaps he might've been, but every time he sat down on the sunlit grass and put another bouquet of flowers to rest against the tombstone; he smiled, speaking to her. To him, it was like she never even left him. It was never a sad time, not for him. It was one of clarity and pure love. So, although the people who notices the ever so slight difference in people whether it be their smile not reaching their eyes or their laugh being less louder than usual; there is also a beautiful thing in this. You may also see the smiles of success on one's face while their parents hug them tighter than ever to celebrate. Or seeing a couple kiss and having only their eyes on one another as if they were the only ones in the world at that moment. Perhaps it's a friend seeing another friend for the first time in many years, hugging them and talking to catch up like they used to in their high school days.

You see the darkness, but you'll always find the light,
as the light will always find its way back to you.