The Adventures of Chestnut J. Herring

Chapter 1: Böser Hund

I yawned and stretched, awakening from my slumber. There was an awful ruckus going on which was disturbing my after-sleep-nap. I sighed inwardly and reluctantly forced myself out of bed. The noise was being caused by two humans attempting to fit a large couch through a rather small door frame. I recognised them. They were the mother and father, two of the four humans which I had adopted into their house. Their names were Sonia and James.

The family, the Herring family, had recently taken it upon themselves to move into a new settlement and were now facing the hardships of moving their old house to the new one. Ah yes, humans, such strange creatures. They spend forever decorating their house only to get a new one and design it in the same way. They claim it was for "nostalgic purposes". I say it was because of something lacking in their wallets.

I decided to motivate them by leaping up onto the couch and mewing my encouragement. Unfortunately James did not respond kindly.

"Get off the couch, Chestnut!" he scolded and tried to swat me away with one hand.

Poor James. He was evidently delirious due to sleep deprivation or else he would not dare to shoo away such an important figure lest he wished to have his head swiftly removed from his shoulders.

Nevertheless, I decided to give the two peasants the space they desired and hopped off the couch. I feared James might be going through his rebellious adult stage and I would have to put him in his place before he got any bright ideas.

I had grown weary of this sorry excuse for a home and decided to leave through the cat flap which I had generously installed a human door on. It was time to give the residents of this area the honour of meeting me.

I stepped outside and my delicate nostrils were assaulted by various scents. There was the smell of roses, cars, freshly cut grass and dog faeces. Speaking of which, my ears were also forced to listen to the sound of the neighbouring dog barking in their garden. I had heard James previously complaining about how the constant yapping of said canine was irritating him so I decided to take it upon myself to get the dog to cease their annoying behaviour. I leapt onto the fence and walked across it. I spotted the cause of the commotion and they were a sorry sight indeed. They were a vicious looking, large pitbull who was chained up like a prisoner by steel chains to a wooden post.

They growled at me when they saw me. I assumed he was trying to contain his excitement from seeing such a famous celebrity such as myself.

"Oi! Vat are you doing up zere?" the pitbull called up to me aggressively. "Come down here so I can rip your ear off!"

I blinked in surprise at their threats. Perhaps tales of my incredible escapades did not reach slaves in such backwater towns. Nevertheless, upon noticing their strong German accent I began to fluently converse with them in their own language and took a calm approach.

"Bonjour amigo, I am Chestnut J. Herring," I told him, hopping down from the fence.

The dog growled and barked, rushing forward and gnashing his jaws. I tutted.

"Calm yourself, mutt," I scolded. "I have met my fair share of aggressive fanboys. You are just another number to me."
The dog glared at me.

"I vill tear you limb from limb!" he threatened. "And do not call me mutt!"

"Then what is your name?" I prompted.

"Ludvig. Not zat it has anyzing to do vith you!"

"Ludwig. A very nice name."

"Get out of my garden or I vill shred you to pieces!"

"Yes, I would be more than willing to leave but first I must ask you a favour," I said. "As much as I can appreciate that you are trying to serenade the neighbourhood, my pet is rather sleep deprived and agitated and I fear you are only worsening it."
Ludwig barked a laugh. No pun intended.