Back to Himself

4. Backed Into a Corner (pt. 2)

"I need to sleep on it for a day or two. I'll reach back out to you no matter what I decide, okay?" I say breathlessly, overwhelmed.

I stand up from the kitchen table and wipe my sweaty palms on my shorts anxiously.

"I should go. Sorry, this is all much more difficult to process than I thought it would be," I say.

"Wait—," Pattie starts, standing up.

I cut her off gently.

"I can't stay. Here, I'll leave my cell number," I say as I rummage through my bag for a paper and pen.

I scribble down my cell and circle around the table; pressing the note into her palm.

"It was so great to hear your laugh again," I say, meeting her eyes with a smile.

She smiles back softly.

I turn on my heels to leave before she can speak because I know she'd be able to convince me to stay. I approach the front door and open it, relaxing as soon as the fresh breeze hits my face, easing my anxiety. That is until I trip (yet again) over something. I nearly land in a pile on the front porch, but I catch myself just in time.

"What the—," I start, stopping short when I turn and see what, or should I say who, tripped me.

I lock eyes with Justin who is sitting on the porch just outside the door frame. He smiles warmly, stands up, and takes a step towards me.

"Hey stranger."

"I-I can't do this," I stutter.

I turn and run as fast as my feet will carry me. I hear footsteps in the distance and faint yelling but I don't care. I won't let him hurt me again.

"Jelly, wait!" He screams desperately.

I stop in my tracks and whip around to face Justin. He slows to a jog and stops a couple of feet away to catch his breath.

"Jelly?" I snap.

"Are you seriously going to call me that like we're close again?"

His face grows somber as he opens his mouth to speak.

"Please. Just let me explain. Jelly, I've missed you every single day since the last day I saw you. My heart has ached for you endlessly. I didn't let you go because I didn't care. I let you go because I did care. And I still do."

He stops talking and takes a step forward.

"What are you talking about? How can you say you care? Do you know what I went through after I lost you? You were my everything Justin, and I meant nothing to you. You promised you'd always catch me, but for the past three years I've fallen flat on my face over and over and over again. All alone. You always made everything feel okay, even when the world was falling apart around me. Then you left. Now I don't trust anyone anymore, especially you."

I see him flinch as I utter the last sentence.

"Jelly-I-please-I just-," he stammers as his voice cracks.

In the distance, I see Pattie step onto the porch quietly.

"You lied to me!" I yell to Pattie over Justin's shoulder.

"This isn't your house, is it? It's Justin's, right?"

She nods.

"So you tricked me into coming here for a chat over tea so you could force a reunion you knew I wasn't ready for? I trusted you!" I scream, my voice filled with sadness.

"Mi Mi, I—," Pattie begins.

"Save it!" I snap.

Justin steps towards me, extending a hand.

"Please, just take a walk with me and hear me out. I miss you."

I step back.

"I'm taking an Uber back to Riverside County. Don't contact me again."