Trauma Poetry

mania

i have this tingly feeling in my stomach

i wanna jump and shout

like im so happy i just wanna take over the world

i can do anything

im smiling as i write

mania is so unknown,

but so amazing indeed

i wanna slit my wrist

because nothing can stop me.

i belong in a psych ward

BPD is fucking drowning me,

i love these unknown feelings

im not the same girl i was 30 minutes ago

how fucking dare you compare me

im laying in bed,

im as cold as can be.

but i know if im manic when i get dressed,

like a slut ill look,

only in the 8th grade,

yet the amount of times people have tried to fuck.

im used to shoving my on finger down my throat,

"feeling your bones again i see?"

the doctor told my mom,

"when you can count her ribs, take her back to me"

last summer i didn't eat,

i was as skinny as could be.

now i binge,

im still not free.

but mania doesn't care,

"mom i swear theres nothing wrong with me."

katie knows the truth,

her hand feeling my leg,

she noticed my brail thigh

why did i wear shorts?

she texted me "i love you" as i walked through my front door.

anika doesn't know,

she happy as can be.

shes definitely never cut,

shes a normal person i see.

later when im depressed,

ill cover my stomach and pout,

"don't look at me!"

i scream and shout.

i think im gonna fail english,

my favorite class that always gave me straight A's

i dont care about math,

that teacher has yelled too much at me.

he is what i call a normal human,

somebody i despise but yet wish to be.

he has 3 meals a day,

munching away on bread i watch,

why can't i eat without crying?

why do i now eat so much?

my bestfriends are rich,

they go on trips every now and then.

anika disappears during spring,

2 weeks in Hawaii she spends.

katie has been gone for a week,

atleast shes buying me a birthday present to give me when shes back.

i haven't left my home town,

begging my parents to let me go,

i wanna go on a 4 hour road trip,

to a few citys over.

who knows when the next time my brother will graduate?

oh wait never.

you only graduate high school once.

i've met him only a few times,

family problems i adore.

i cried into my dad,

"will he is come live here with us and stay?" i pray.

i don't believe in god,

he has wronged me once more.

my heart is beating,

holy fucking shit,

this mania still hasn't gone away.

girl in pieces laying next to me,

every sentence i must tab.

this mania will start to fade,

i don't know when,

but i'm scared when it does.

6 hours of school,

your coming my way.

when i'm there,

all this happiness will go away.