(39) EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OK

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Brooklyn

I am officially 4 months pregnant. Time has flown by in my pregnancy and sometimes I forget I'm pregnant and I think I'm still in shock about it cause I can't believe I'm so calm about the fact that I'm going to be a mother but I think that's because I have bigger things to care about like Theo in hospital. I feel bad that no one knows that I'm carrying but I need Theo to know first. And if that means no one finds out until after it is born then that's not my issue.

I am around the time where I should find out the gender but I want to find out with Theo. I have had a few scans because it's required to make sure the baby is growing healthy but other than that I feel like I'm my normal unpregnant self. I've told Theo that I was pregnant on multiple occasions when I was alone with him but I don't know if he can hear or not but I said it just in case he could.

My bump is still sitting quite low and by now it should have really filled out my stomach so I think I'm having a girl. But the thing that's grown the most are my boobs I'm not mad about it because I've always wanted bigger boobs but now there spilling out of my bras and I can't afford to buy new ones.

 But the thing that's grown the most are my boobs I'm not mad about it because I've always wanted bigger boobs but now there spilling out of my bras and I can't afford to buy new ones

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Especially because I'm trying to save up. I have moments when I realise that I'm going to be a mom living with my mom. I've already got savings but I've been adding to it to save up to be able to afford to rent and furnish an apartment for a few months and maybe have a little extra for baby supply's. Currently I have $12,000 saved up it's not alot but I'm trying. I've found a few apartments that's I like that are 2 bedrooms. There not the best looking beause there quite small but the larger ones are not in my budget.

I've cut my hair already aswell. Its just a little bit below my shoulders and I love it. I did cry when I saw my hair gone but I needed a fresh beginning and permanently put the past behind me especially if I'm gonna be having a baby.

I'm sat by Theo's bed like always this is where I live

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I'm sat by Theo's bed like always this is where I live. It was silent today though no one was talking. It was the weekend which meant his family came to visit. I was doing my work because I work online as an assistant for gretelbray business. It means I just answer emails all day and schedule meetings and shit. I quit my last job at the café a little before Theo got sick. I decided to work online so that it is easy for me to be with him.

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