Cross Your Ts [Valduggery, Skulduggery Pleasant Fanfiction]

Harry Potter

Not an AU. 

Revisions may be made to chapters. There will be an announcement if previous chapters have been changed.

Skulduggery's head tilted. "Lampshade."

The rocks crumbled into one another, stone after stone, a deep rumbling sending shudders up Valkyrie's legs. She peered into the darkness, but the grin fell from her face.

"Oh, good. More cave."

Skulduggery looked at her. Looked at the cave behind them, stretching off into the gloom, at the abandoned mining equipment. "What were you expecting?"

Valkyrie gave a half-hearted shrug. "I dunno'. Maybe an office building? Why is it always caves? Or castles? Or dungeons?" She kicked a stone into the darkness ahead. "Why can't it ever be out in the sunlight?"

Skulduggery snapped his fingers, a flame quickly dancing to life in his palm. They started down the long corridor, and Valkyrie heard bats flutter over their heads.

"Well, it wouldn't be very... intimidating, would it?" Skulduggery said, looking around them. "A nice, brightly lit office building. We could stroll right up and knock on the door and punch them in the face. This way, they can have riddles."

Valkyrie made a face. "God, that was so stupid. Lampshade. It literally waslampshade. That was really stupid. How long did we spend? Three days, wandering around to every lamp-themed silliness. The moth, the soul-lamp, themoth."

"Are you still upset about the moth?"

"It tried to lay eggs in my stomach, and you laughed."

"Yes, but I stopped laughing when it attacked you."

Skulduggery walked faster, like he was eager for this long walk to reach its destination. She shared the sentiment; Valkyrie was itching for a fight.

"Lampshade," Valkyrie muttered. "We overthought it."

"No, we thought about it just enough. We went through the proper channels, talked to the right people. Whoever stole the stone didn't think about it enough."

Valkyrie nodded. "It's kind of lame stealing a Harry Potter rip-off. They probably aren't very original, or smart."

Skulduggery glanced at her, the flame casting dancing shadows on his skull. "For the last time, it has nothing to do with Harry Potter."

"It's the Resurrection Stone, Skulduggery, it's like, one-third of the entire plot for the last two movies."

"The actual Resurrection Stone has nothing to do with Harry Potter."

"It's a lot cooler in the movie. It actually brings people back. Our Resurrection Stone just does a lame hologram. Why do we even need it back? Who even uses a lame hologram when we have Echo Stones?"

"Echo Stones are expensive. The Resurrection Stone is helpful for loved ones who are grieving."

"But... it's not them. It's like a photograph."

"Funnily enough, it's mainly used by artists for paintings."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"You forget there's an Adept branch that focuses on rupturing people. Sort of hard to paint a portrait when there isn't a face." His shoulders tensed slightly. "This cave is ridiculously long."

Valkyrie grinned. "We should fly."

"You might get a bat caught in your hair."

Valkyrie stepped closer, and Skulduggery sighed and scooped her up. She laughed as they swept into the air, Skulduggery's flame flickering out and leaving them in utter darkness. He started to say something, and then they hit the net.