It was a boring day in Dan and Phil's London apartment. The sun was shining brightly, but both boys decided to stay indoors for the entire day. Dan was busy slumped on the sofa watching Formula 1 racing when all of a sudden, Phil jumped onto the sofa next to Dan and yelled in his ear.
"Suck my dick, you shit!" Phil screeched to Dan, waving his arms in the air like a lunatic. Dan sighed and shook his head.
"Phil, that is unsanitary." Dan leans away from Phil, watching the older boy frown in an upset manner. What other kind of fucking manner would you frown in. A happy manner? Fuck that. Dan's annoyed. Well, his laptop is on the floor in three separate pieces and his Formula 1 show has stopped - of course he's going to be pissed off. He'd love to suck Phil's dick, he really would. But not after this.
"Please. Just this once." Phil's dick was racing as fast as his heart. Seriously, this thing could run a marathon if it wanted. It'd probably beat Usain Bolt if it tried hard enough - well, his dick certainly was hard enough. What really mattered was that Phil's dick needed sucking, and he hasn't been to yoga classes in three weeks, so he can't do it himself this time. Hell, by this point, his dick was racing faster than Lewis Hamilton on a good day. And Lewis Hamilton can drive a mean F1 race. Dan knows. Phil only knows because he's forced to watch this shit.
Dan picks up the pieces of his laptop and sticks them back together with a glue stick he pulls out of his own arse. "Go away. I'm trying to watch something." Dan turns his laptop back on and continues watching the F1 race. Fuck, this isn't how it works! Why is his tab still open? Why hasn't his computer restarted? And how the fuck is his computer still working? Apparently the font has changed. This is an interesting development.
"Well. Shit." Phil murmurs. He realises that the font has changed too. And he is afraid, because he is certain that someone could be watching him right now, noting down his every move and every word. And he's sure that it's been written in Comic Sans.
"What's wrong?" Dan drops his laptop (a-fucking-gain) and it shatters into a million tiny shards. Fuck glue, man. I don't mean use glue as lube. Don't do that. Unless you want your dick tightly secured into someone's anus, then I suggest you don't do that. Dan's eyes are filled with worry for Phil. Why the fuck does he suddenly care? He's not even sure! Who the fuck is AmazingPhil? We met through a mutual friend.
"It's just... I don't know, Dan. I think I might be in love with you." Phil admits gently, his eyes turning wide and anime-styled. Holy shit, Dan thinks, that's my fucking aesthetic. Goals. Fucking goals. sign me the FUCK up good shit go౦ԁ sHit thats ✔ some goodshit rightth ere right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my selｆ i say so thats what im talking about right there right there.
"Why? You know I'm not gay. fyi i like vagina" Dan protests, biting his lip so hard that the lower half actually falls off. rip dan's lip 1991-2015. Phil looks sad. Fuck y'all, Phil thinks to himself, my dick can suck itself at this rate. As if that twink is a hetero. Fuck y'all, man. FUCK. HE AIN'T GAY. HE A "I didn't know you were gay." Dan hums in amusement.
The writer is confused. She has many DMs and FUCK'S SAKE I'VE BEEN ADDED TO A GROUP CHAT
"I'm not gay. I just really like lesbians." Phil says in a flirty voice. He crawls onto Dan's lap and kisses his knees. "And knees. I like lesbian knees."
"Knees?" Dan laughs awkwardly, shuffling around. "I thought you said bees. Lesbian bees."
The two of them laugh hysterically, and the laughter erupts into cackles from the pits of Hell. Their living room floor splits and opens up to reveal flicking flames and burning insanity. Ah, lesbian bees.
