My name is Cassie.
I'm 15 years old.
And this is my story.
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Hurt-
When I was little my grandfather was the person I looked up to the most.
I loved him a lot.
He was strong,kind,caring,and i felt safe around him...
But, I was naive.
I have two older sisters, Courtney and Megan.
And I have two older cousins, Jasmine and Samantha.
He molested Courtney and Jasmine.
He told them that if they told anyone he would kill them.
What kind of sick bastard does that to a nine year old?
They got sick of it one day and they told my mother.
Nobody had told me since I was too young to understand.
I started seeing less of my grandfather, I did't see him for three years until he showed up out of the blue at my uncle's.
I was 7 and I still hadn't known what he did to my sister and cousin.
As soon as I saw him i ran and almost knocked him over with my hug.
I was happy too see him,even though it was only for five minutes.
I never saw him since.
When I was eleven my mom finally told me before she went to court against him.
I stood there,in shock and disbelief,how could the one person I look up to do such a thing?
I couldn't understand.
I started getting depressed.
I built a giant wall and blocked people out so I couldn't get hurt like that again.
I had no friends until seventh grade,when some broke my wall i had built so strong.
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Seventh Grade- I was just the fat nerd that always got in trouble and never did her homework.
I always had a mean look; like i wanted to kill everyone there.
That was kinda true.
People were always afraid of me,and i still had my giant wall...
Until he broke it.
Colby.
He moved back in town and we had a few classes together.
We sat at the same table in Social Studies,along with this kid named Logan.
We started talking everday,and everday I opened up more.
I actually smiled and laughed,it sure as hell felt alot better then scowling at everyone.
I started getting friends and became talkative and loud. (not to mention cheeky)
He changed me and made my life better.
Until I started developing unwanted feelings.
We became friends and hung out almost every day,after a while we became bestfriends.
We also had Summer School together.
That's where I got my first few cuts.
The teacher was screaming her head off at me and upset me.
Since I couldn't hurt her I hurt myself instead.
I broke my pencil in half and made 12 cuts on my left arm.
It felt amazing,and it was addicting.
My friends started finding out,even Colby.
He used to punch me in the arm if he saw a new cut.
Used to.
In October of that same year I was sent to a Behavioral Center for cutting and suicidal thoughts, I only had 32 cuts then.
After a week I finally was allowed to come back home.
When I went to the library Colby was the first person I saw,and he ran up to me and gave me a really long hug, telling me he missed me and he thought i was dead.
I told him where I was and he punched me.
Now-
I was sent to the same behavioral center for drug abuse,suicidal thoughts,and depression four months ago.
32 cuts turned into 900, I've overdosed 2 and have almost have again 3 times.
Colby and i aren't friends anymore.
It's hard to believe the person who made your life so much better can make your life so miserable.
I've cried so much this week,i've lost all my friends,i lost the most important person in my life.
I don't know how I'm still able to go on anymore.
Everytime I think about our memories my chest feels like it was stabbed and my eyes start to sting.
Me-
I'm just the fat,stupid,ugly worthless,suicidal,emo,whore.
My grandfather is a child molester rotting in jail until he dies.
My sister Courtney is a whore and she has a two year old demon child
My little sister is dead.
Megan is at purdue and i never see her.
My parents are divorced and have been since i was 6
I lost ALL my friends.
So what do i have to live for?
Why am i here?
