Relapse || Ashton Irwin (C.A.L.M.)

Chp. 1 ~ Scars | Ashton

Weak
Ugly
Disappointment
Ugly
Stupid
Annoying

I couldn't help but choke back a sob as I dragged the newly bought blade across my slightly healed skin. The hate had gotten worse the past few weeks and I couldn't understand how the other boys could just ignore it. Hate had always gotten to me and I couldn't help it. I had forgotten how good it felt when I cut, I couldn't really explain the feeling. At first it was painful but then the pain would go away and I was left in awe when the blood would bubble up to the surface of my skin again, the feeling was indescribable and I loved it. I couldn't help but be mesmerized looking at the fresh cuts I had made, the blood was sort of smeared but I didn't care. I watched carefully as the blood kept bubbling up to the surface of my skin. Trails of tears were still making their way down my face and I felt sleep nagging at me but I knew I couldn't until I cleaned up before I fell asleep. I sighed getting up off of the tiled floor to turn the shower on. I slowly took of my shirt careful not to get blood on it then I took off my jeans and boxers I made sure not to even glance at the mirror.
I felt the water making sure it was warm before stepping in. I couldn't help but just stand there as the warm water cascaded down my body (tbh who isn't imagining him naked) feeling the warm water relax my tense muscles.
I heard the hotel door open and voices chattering away. I froze slightly they would be so disappointed in me, I didn't want them to be disappointed but it was my fault anyway and I knew that. Even though I just cut I felt my wrist wanting to be cut again but knew I couldn't be more of a disappointment. I felt tears fall but tried to stop them or else my face would be red and blotchy and they would be concerned over me it wasn't worth it.