The Chaos And The Calm

- Without The Love-

Demi's POV:

I curl up in the fetal position and bury my head in my pillow to muffle my screams; he left, he fucking left and i can't pick up the pieces this time. He left because he has her now, i thought he'd moved past all of the cheating, i thought i could trust him but i was wrong, i was proved wrong when i walked into OUR bedroom to see him with that slut; and now? Now i'm here, back at my parents house in my old bedroom because i can't stand being in that apartment, i've been forced out of my own home because that asshole decided to ruin everything we had. I hear the door crack open as someone slips inside, letting a small slither of light in, breaking up the previous darkness and i just bury my head deeper into the pillow. Whoever it is doesn't speak but i hear them set a plate down on my desk and after a few seconds the bed dips behind me and two small arms wrap around my waist.

"Dem?" Maddies voice is small and shaking, great, i'm letting this effect my baby sister now, i'm a great role model.

"Yeah, Mads?" I try to keep my voice steady, I hate that Madison has to see me like this, it should be me being there for her, not the other way around; for fucks sake Demi, pull yourself together.

" I know it's hard but please try to eat something? I'm worried about you..." I tiredly sigh. It's been days since i last ate anything, i don't want to eat, I'm not hungry, i can't eat if i'm not hungry, what don't people get about that?

"I'm not hungry Mads.." I say exhaustedly, rubbing my temples with the pads of my fingers, sleep is something i haven't had much of either, every time i close my eyes all i see is them together.

"But Demi"

"But nothing, Madison, I said I'm not hungry" I snap. Great. I'm setting a great example of strength right now.

"I want my sister back." Madisons whispers as her arms unwrap from my body and she shuffles out of the room, slamming the door behind her. I feel my heart crack just that little bit more as i break into another round of sobs, why do i have to fuck everything up? Why do i push away everyone that cares about me? No wonder Wilmer cheated on me, it's all my fucking fault.

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I'm woken up by my cell vibrating on the bedside table, i sigh and roll over, reaching for it with my eyes still closed; as my hand makes contact with the cold glass screen i curl my hand around it and bring it back underneath the blankets. I open my eyes and unlock my phone, i let my eyes adjust to the blinding light from the screen before sighing as i see that i've got multiple missed calls from Marissa, and about twenty unread texts from him. I can't deal with this right now, i need coffee and a cigarette, oh god i miss cigarettes, i shouldn't start smoking again but what's one smoke? What harm can it possibly do? If anything it's going to help right now. If anyone finds out they're going to kill me but i really couldn't give a fuck right now, i just need something to take this all away, i need to feel something other than this emptiness, than this sadness, than the guilt.

I kick the blankets off of me and shiver as the cold air hits me, i lay there for a second before slinging my legs over the side of the bed and get up; i grab my sweats and oversized tshirt from the floor and lazily put them on and then head to my closet to find whatever form of hoodie i can. After routing around for a while i finally find my texas hoodie thats a few sizes too big and throw it over my head before pulling the hood over my head, it feels weird being up, what's even weirder is the thought i'll be venturing out of this room for the first time in days, but maybe it'll be good for me. I just hope i don't run into anyone i know, or any fans for that matter, don't get me wrong i love my Lovatics, but i really can't face plastering on a fake smile for them right now, i can't face pretending that everything's okay when it's clearly not.

After slipping on my sneakers and grabbing my car keys, i make my way out of the guest house and out of the back gate towards my car, i unlock the door and slide in, sticking the key in the ignition; i pull my phone out and quickly text my mom, letting her know that i'm going out before putting my phone on the dash and pulling out of the driveway.