Never Ending Thoughts

I am so tired. I cannot sleep. The thoughts of you keep me awake. I try to ignore them; I try to move on. I close my eyes desperately trying to fall asleep, but again your voice floods my ears, your sent makes it hard to breath, your face is all I see. I remind myself it’s not real rolling on the mattress to get more comfortable. I laugh, if I knew anyone else thinking this I’d of thought they went off the deep end. But now I’m lost. Why is it the thing I try to forget the most is all I can seem to remember? I move on forgoing sleep just like the night before. I try to sleep night after night but it seems impossible. You, you’re everywhere. 

It’s like a sick joke. I don’t like feeling this way. I want you to see what it feels like. You don’t understand, you don’t want to. I talk to you confessing my freak show thoughts, or most of them and all you can muster up is an ok. I see you with them, your friends, and want to be there so bad but that’s not for me, you’re not for me. That’s all this ever is… one sided. That’s what it was before and that’s what it will continue to be.

I know if you could see me behind the walls, the shelter I hide in from everyone, you’d understand more, you’d understand me. But you don’t care to do that either. You are selfish just as I am with my memories of you. You don’t even know.

Me and you, you and me, you failed to see.