Writer's Block

Writer's Block Sucks.

Writer's Block sucks.

It really does. You're just cruising along the Road of Writing, when a giant elephant falls from the sky and blocks your path. Really sad, it is. Really sad. Too bad. Go cry in your pillow. I don't care.

I wish that elephant would just go back to wherever it came from. Wherever it came from. I wonder where it came from. Heaven surely wouldn't throw that down on an innocent writer. Surely God wouldn't be that cruel. Hopefully not.

I mean, sometimes life just throws things like that at you. Well, hopefully not literally. That would be literally crushing to have an elephant thrown at you. That would really suck. Like, really.

Back to writer's block. Wait, why did I capitalize "writer's block" at the beginning of this random rant? It does not deserve to be capitalized. All it is is an elephant that fell from who knows where in the middle of your peaceful writing journey.

NOW back to writer's block. That elephant, you know, the block, should definitely not exist. Maybe we can yell at the elephant. Nope, it's definitely too stubborn.

I HAVE AN IDEA!!! KILL DAT PACHYDERM AND SEND IT TO HELL! DIE ELEPHANT!

Nope. That would be bad. Then you'd be charged for hunting when it's not hunting season. Maybe you should just wait for hunting season. I don't think a hunting season exists for elephants. Nevermind.

Well, I guess we should just drive around the elephant. Nope. Nevermind.

Maybe we could climb over the elephant. Bad idea. Nevermind.

Or just stab it in the eyes and run away when it can't see us. I do not see how that would help at all. Nevermind.

I think I'll just walk up to those stupidly large ears of its and scream at it so it'll go away. Nope, definitely a bad idea. Nevermind.

Ok, ignore the elephant. I'm done. I think it'll move with time. Hopefully.

Hopefully.

Hopefully?

Please, dear elephant?

PLEASE???

Nope. That's not gonna work. Nevermind.

I'm done. Nope. Nevermind.

KILL THE ELEPHANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BURN IT AT THE STAKE!!! STAB IT WITH A COCONUT!!! STUFF A BOA CONSTRICTOR DOWN ITS MISERABLE THROAT!!! BUY AN ELEPHANT CANNON AND SHOOT IT BACK TO WHATEVER SKY IT CAME FROM!!! STRANGLE IT WITH A THOUSAND FIRE ANTS!!! LET IT BURN IN THE OCEAN FOREVER!!! DROWN IT IN THE BEAUTIFUL SOUL OF FRED WEASLEY!!! I WANT FRED WEASLEY ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT WILL WEASLEY'S WIZARD WHEEZES DO WITHOUT HIM??? WHAT ABOUT U-NO-POO, BELLATRIX??? BELLATRIX!!! I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER IF THAT'S THE RIGHT WAY TO SPELL YOUR NAME. BUT I DON'T CARE!!! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR NAME SPELLED RIGHT BELLATRIX!!! YOU ARE THE MOST TERRIBLE EVILNESS I'VE EVER MET!!! AND I HAVEN'T EVEN MET YOU!!!

Wait a second.

What if I just treat the elephant like I'd treat Bellatrix Lestrange?

HAHAHAHAHA YOU WILL BURN FOREVER BELLATRIX!!! GIVE ME FRED WEASLEY BACK!!! I WANT HIM BACK!!! I WANT HIM NOW BELLATRIX!!! PLEASE!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?????????

Wait a second. It's not Bellatrix's fault. It's J.K. Rowling's fault.

Because...

SHE HAD WRITER'S BLOCK!!! OH MY BANANAS IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!!! CURSE YOU GIANT EVIL ELEPHANT THAT INDIRECTLY KILLED FRED WEASLEY!!! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!! I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE AND DROWN YOU IN THE VENOM OF YOUR OWN EVILNESS WHILE MAKING YOU LISTEN REPEATEDLY TO THE DYING GROAN OF FRED WEASLEY BEFORE YOU BURN FOR YOUR SINS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok I'm done now.

NO I WILL NEVER BE DONE!!! IT'S FRED WEASLEY!!!

But seriously I should just stop talking. Typing. Whatever. My feelings of hate for this evil elephant are beyond expression.

Bye. For forever and ever and ever. :'-(

I LOVE YOU FRED WEASLEY!!! COME BACK TO ME OR I WILL JOIN YOU IN THE GRAVE!!!

Ok I'm done.

*sniff*