The Painful Reality of Goodbye

I embrace you in sleep...My arm moves with your breathing...Your breath makes my arm rise and fall. With my head on your chest, I hear your heart beating. It’s a calming sound. One that lets me know you’re real. You lay asleep on the bed I once knew as comfortable. It can no longer comfort me, as I can no longer feel it.

From your chest, I glance up. All I can see is your peaceful face. I wish to grab a hold of your shirt… let you know I’m still here. But it’s not possible. I know for a fact it’s not possible. I can’t sense your warmth…. Embrace you…. Feel the rise and fall of your chest. I sacrificed all that so you may have a chance. Now I’m just here, helplessly watching you. I’m not really here though… just my spirit.
Cause a week ago, I died… a part of you died along with me too. That bridge took your lively hood and my life. Before that, we were happy… about to run off into the world together. We didn’t notice that tractor trailer drifting into our lane until the last moment. The driver must have fallen asleep. But it was too late to do anything. Your instincts to avoid a crash brought us falling off the bridge and into the cold water.

Last thing I saw before blacking out was the fear on your face. The sound of rushing water brought me back. First thing I saw was the dark water rising… first instinct was to look over to you. Forehead bleeding, you were still knocked out. Before I tried saving myself, I tried saving you… releasing your seatbelt.

A bystander must have seen our accident because your door opened and an unfamiliar face popped into the car. By now my air was running out and I knew it. I pushed you towards the bystander… my seatbelt digging into my hips disallowing me to follow. The stranger tried to help me but I was stubborn. I keep pointing for him to save you first. He finally listened and pulled you out of that deathtrap.

My eyes had closed as darkness overcame me. At least you’d now be safe as I sit in this watery grave. I knew there was the chance to only save one of us…. I didn’t once regret having you saved instead as life slipped away.

Now I’m here… beside you, with a chance to finally say goodbye. Although you won’t hear me; saving you was the best thing I could have done… now leaving so you may find peace with what occurred is the second. I know you may never forget me, and I hope you won’t. But I also hope you won’t wallow in the sadness which is your love’s death. Your smile is what brought me the peace I needed. Smile more, my dear. You always looked better when you smiled.