Our Little Infinity

Grieving

Listen to Long Way Down By Tom Odell for this chapter.

Augustus POV

It's been 6 months since Hazel Grace died, since I've lost myself along with her. If I looked into a mirror to be completely honest, I wouldn't be able to recognize myself, instead I'd see a heartbroken 17 year old who wants nothing but to die. To be with her like how it was meant to.

I've found everything harder to do ever since she died. Getting out of bed, eating and especially smiling; but how can you smile when the person you loved the most isn't by your side, their presence gone. Vanished.

It hurts to even say her name. After all she is just another bottomless pit in my empty heart.

Isaac used to come over until he moved to Orlando with his family, leaving me just like everyone else I care about. I'm not mad at him though, he made Hazel Grace feel accepted and for that I can stress it enough how thankful I am.

You might be wondering why I'm telling you all this depressing bullshit, but I needed someone by my side today, after all it would be the first time I've gone to support group in 6 months.

I'm not going by choice though, I don't think you'd know how heartbroken I'd be to revisit the place where we first met. The Literal Heart Of Jesus.

Yet, here I am sitting in the passenger seat of my mother's car, staring at the church doors.

Everything that reminds me of her makes me want to burst into a vital of tears and run far away from the shattering memories ; but I couldn't when I'd have nowhere to go and no one to have by my side.

I open the car door slowly and step out, pausing to take everything in. Memories of her flood in, how she stood by me near the curb explaining what a hamartia was, and as I explained to her that the hamartia I had was a metaphor. How I confessed my crush for her in the parking lot, how she stood there with shock when the words came out.

I hadn't realized that I had been crying, once I snapped back into reality I wiped the tears from my eyes away with the sleeves of my leather jacket. Walking with small steps into the church and for the first time in 6 months The Literal Heart Of Jesus.

I must admit my writing is depressing amongst other things.