Need

1. Harry

Grief.
Every morning the same, as soon as the light clips the corner of the blinds and envelopes the room my grief eats me whole. I lie in bed as I watch light flood the room, contrasting the dark looming emotions that circle my thoughts. I lift my hand and pitifully try to grasp at a ray of light. Sometimes I hope that if one day I grab hard enough everything will reset and go back to how things are supposed to be.

"Elizabeth love cmon please don't be difficult just eat the eggs please, Hazey worked real hard on those".

I round the corner into the kitchen to see Haley my roommate and my sister Elizabeth sitting across from each-other, eyes locked in on one another as a small plate of eggs lies in between the pair. Haley has a look of frustration and traces of defeat she's trying to mask, unfortunately her opponent can tell. Elizabeth raises a brow, a smirk slowly following behind the gesture.

"What would I get for eating them?" The child says, a poor attempt at a bribe she just might get if Haley is worn enough from the back and forth.

Haley huffs and I can see it in her face she's gonna cave and pour my sister a bowl of sugary cereal just like she wants. I look at Haley with a soft smile, a silent conversation between us. Haley lets out a sigh of relief and gets up from the rounded table and makes her way into the kitchen to begin cleaning.

"Effy you need to eat the eggs"

"You need to leave me alone" she snaps and bolts from the table, throwing the plate of eggs into the air in the process.

I watch the food become airborne and fall scattering around the dinning room floor, I screw my eyes shut and pinch the bridge of my nose at the site. I continue my position for a moment, counting and deep breathing to stay in control. The therapist said Effy's outbursts would be amplified around the time of "the event". I unscrew my face and let out a crass laugh. I remember when the plethora of doctors and therapists would refer to what happened as "the event" like that helps dampen the overwhelming feelings that already came with it. When the first therapist I saw called it that I couldn't help but laugh then too. I sit and think of how her face was full of confusion but mostly disgust, she scribbled on her notepad and proceeded to tell me about a lovely therapist that she recommends would "help more than she can".
A part of me stopped trying that day.

My parents died on a Sunday afternoon in June almost three years ago. Everyday it still feels like the moment it was happening. The memories of that day play back unforgivingly. The smell of my moms perfume floods my nose as I can feel the smooth upholstery and my finger being clamped onto tightly by Effy's tiny digits. The sound of my dad humming a Stevie Wonder song, I smile in the moment and think he could've been in choir too. My phone buzzed with messages from Niall my uni friend. I look down to answer the silly meme he sent and then it happened. Squealing breaks, gasps of terror, the smell of burning rubber and a hard jolt from the crashing vehicles.
Then darkness.
The world stood still.
Sometimes when I close my eyes it feels like it never started back up again.

I lay haphazardly on the couch scrolling through Twitter when Callie calls the first time. Now, I like to think of myself as a great friend but nap time means me time, and as long as Effy is sleeping I'm being lazy so I silence the call. I continue reading a half decent article on why we stay on our phones so much, the irony. Callie's name pops up on screen once again and I let out a huff, she knows this is me time. I once again decline the call and begin to then scroll absentmindedly through TikTok. I keep scrolling till I eventually find something that peaks my interest, my algorithm is shit so it does take some time. By the time I had find another interesting video the front door of the apartment is being lunged open. I sit upright as quick as I can, scared that it might be an intruder I grab the thing closest to me which happened to be a life size cutout. I aim it at the door taking a wide stance as the person emerges through the entrance.