I can't do this. The same sentence in my head over and over again: I can't do this. Why am I even trying? What am I even trying for. I'm hopeless, I'm alone, I'm nothing. I hate everything about myself. I hate everything about myself. I walk to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. "Dan your nothing" I said to myself. "I hate You Dan" I said. I punched the mirror the sound of the glass breaking and flying out in the room. Pieces of broken glass hitting me everywhere, They rip up my skin. The blood. I look down at a big piece of the mirror on the floor. "This is what I'm worth. This is what your fucking worth Dan" I walk out to the kitchen. Looking at all the knifes all the blood everywhere. I'm so done with myself. I am nothing. I have no one. No one would even care! I pick up a big knife hold it against my throat. The tears in my eyes falling down and make all pain in my scars. But I drop the knife. It fell on the floor. I wanna die. But. I'm to weak.
I don't remember falling asleep. But next morning I wake up on the floor. Roses are all over me, and I feel something sharp on head and face. I have cracked a vase in my head. I pick up the roses, walk out. Out in the city it's 4am I guess. It's raining. I run to the grave place. I run in. The rain in my face make at least it doesn't Look like in crying. I'm stopping. Walking past 3 grave stones. The fourth. "Sarah Howell" I took a deep breath. "I miss you mom" I said. And put the roses down. "I will come to you soon, I will be lying here beside you. I can't Handel life anymore. I'm coming to you. You was the only one I had. In coming" I run out. I looked back, and when looked infront of me, there was a boy. I tried to stop. Run around him. But I crashed in him. Black hair Blue eyes. He looks a bit older than me. "I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. You won't see or mind me anymore. " I say and walk off "Wait! You need help should I call the doctor!?! Your bleeding everywhere!" He asks after me. "I'm fine. No one even cares! Don't think I need help! This is what I'm worth! This is what I am a ugly piece of shit! This is what I want okay? I want to get pain, I want to get what I am suppose to get! I don't want this life! Let me bloody end it alone!" I scream back. I don't know why I was so rude to this strange guy. But I'm just so angry that I can't! I'm the worst person in this world. Why the hell do stand here? When I should be lying down dead. There is no reason i Am alive! Why. Why do i still Am in such a meaning less life!? 18 years of Nothing. But sadness.
