Don't Leave Me Here Alone

He's My Best Friend...

               "Steve you have been wallowing long enough. It has been nearly a year since the incident. When will you give up?" Sam scolded me from outside of my bedroom door. I regret giving him a key now more than ever. "Come on Steve. Open the door. We can go to lunch. You know if you still eat that sort of thing." He tried to joke but I wasn't in the mood for jests but I was hungry. I stood from my desk and made my way to unlock thedoor. Once I open it. I see Sam with a mustache.
'How long has that been growing?'
"Well that has got to go. You look ancient." I told him. "Doesn't suit you at all Sammy."
"Oh. You are not one to talk, you have a beard Stevie." He retorted. "When was the last time you shaved?" He asked with a curious look on his face. I shrugged in return and brought my left hand to my face.
"No Idea. It's starting to bug me though."
"So.Lunch?" Sam asked with a hopeful look in his eyes. I sighed and told him I had to take a shower. I seriously needed one. As I made my way into the bathroom, Sam decided to explore my apartment. Stepping into the hot shower was a bit of a relief. I could feel the hot water washing away days of sweat and dirt. I sighed once again and started to wash my hair and body. When I was clean I stepped out of the shower and decided to shave the nest that was growing on myface. Looking in the mirror with the water still dripping off me anda towel lose on my hips I start the long process of shaving.

           I Left the bathroom and walked to my bedroom to find Sam looking at the contents of my desk. He pulled out all of sketch books from the drawers and had them open and spread all over the surface.
'He has no right to look at those! What the hell was he thinking?!' I continued to walk further in my room to my closet.
"Those are private Sam." I state as calmly as I could. I took out worn outblue jeans, a white t-shirt, and some briefs.
"Oh! Steve. Didn't hear you come in here." He looked down in embarrassment due to me being in a towel and nothing else. He turned back to the desk and picked up a loose drawing and studied it for a moment. "You haven't seen him in a year. You defiantly haven't seen him look like this in 70 years; yet you have drawn this-" He held up a detailed drawing of Bucky sitting at a table playing cards and smoking a cigarette. "-all from memory. All of these drawings Steve.." He sighs and puts the drawing back with the others and leans on the desk with his feet and arms crossed. "Why do you do this to yourself?" He asks as he looks away so I could get dressed.
"He is my best friend. I thought I watched him fall to his death 70 years ago. When I thought I was going to die he was the last thing on my mind. I flew that plane into the arctic thinking we would be together again. I remember thinking to myself; 'I'll see you soon Buck.', but I woke up in this strange time. I remember how lost and alone I felt. It wasn't fair. I should have died that day but I didn't." I was done getting dressed so I made my way to my desk and picked up the drawing of Bucky smoking. "I remember this perfectly. It was on a cold November night and he dragged me to his friends house to lift my spirits about my mothers death. She Passed a couple months before. I wasn't one for cards. I was terrible at it. I couldn't smoke because of the asthma so I sat on a stool behind his friends where I had a perfect view of him. I just sat there and watched them joke and play cards. I had a good time even though I didn't really do much." I finished my explanation with a smile on my face and set the drawing back on the desk and grabbed my blue coat which was on the back of the desk chair. "Come on. I'm hungry."

          Sitting at a diner a couple blocks from my apartment Sam and I decided to share some fish and chips. It is silent while we ate but nothing lasts forever. Sam brought Bucky back into conversation.
"Why are you still looking for him Steve? He isn't the same person anymore."
"He saved me from drowning Sam. Why would he do that? His memory must be coming back. I refuse to believe otherwise." I was starting to get irritated with him. He knew this was a touchy subject for me and yet he continuously brings it up. There was a reason I stayed in my apartment for days on end. This being it. Everyone refuses to leave me alone about Bucky. They keep insisting that he does not know me but I know he remembered something on the helicarrier that day. Otherwise he would have walked away and let me drown.
"If he remembered something why would he MIA for a year? Why not be reunited with his best friend after being apart for decades?" Sam snapped at me. I knew he was worried but he doesn't understand the pain I am going through.
"You know I don't know the answer to that question. That is why I need to find him. So he can answer that question himself. You were willing to help me a year ago. Why aren't you helping now?!" I crease my brows and I study his face and wait for an answer.
"Why should I look for someone who doesn't want to be found?! It is a waste of my time and yours. If Bucky wanted to see you don't you think he would comeout of hiding?!" At this point Sam and I are full blown yelling at each other and causing a scene in the diner. I hate drawing attention to myself so I took some bills out of my pocket and put them on the table to pay for the meal as well as a tip for the waitress that served us and I left. Sam was quick to my heels as I put my hat on to hide my face and put my hands in my pockets.
"Steve!" I ignored him. I was sick of hearing the same bullshit come out of his mouth every time we had this conversation. "Steve would you stop for a second and listen?!" He grabbed my shoulder but I took his arm and slammed him against the brick wall beside us and put my other arm on his throat to hold him in place.
"No! I am sick of listening to you. I am sick of you telling me to give up the search. I need to find him Sam. Don't you see? Do you have any idea want it feels like to see the friend you mourned for alive and fighting for the wrong side? To have your best friend turned into something he isn't? The Winter Soldier is not James Barnes. James Barnes is a good man and I will get him back. Now you can either stand by my side and help me or get the hell out of my way." I pushed off of him and started to walk down the street to my apartment. Sam didn't follow me and I was thankful for that. I have had enough human interaction for the day.