Random Rantings

Are you really happy?

Once a long time ago, I was in a relationship with someone. Someone I really loved. We had been dating for a long time now and it was the longest and steadiest of all my relationships.  But then I started noticing changes in my feelings. I guess you could say I was getting bored of the monotonous relationship , which is a well known bad habit of mine. I started developing feelings for another person while still in a relationship with my boyfriend. He and I were going through a rough phase too at that time. I didn't know what to do? Do I stay with him and keep everyone happy while actually having feelings for someone else or do I tell him and hurt him?
That's when I wrote this...

What am I to do when I don't know my problem? Happens with a lot of us. Our lives are great until one day when you realise that there might be something going wrong and you are just too happy and/or too selfish to face it. You are happy the way things are but the guilt in you makes you keep thinking about how you are cheating everybody especially yourself and you keep trying to find justifications for it.
If you address the problem you'll just ruin it for everybody and if you don't you'll just be cheating. It is the most confusing stage in life. It's either happiness with guilt or hurt without guilt.
Sometimes there is no right answer and sometimes the right answers are not really the best answers. Sometimes the alternative seems like a better option, as it enables you to keep everybody happy but your inner conscience doesn't let you be completely happy.  So, do you continue or not? Tough to answer now isn't it? Such difficult questions are put to see what kind of a person you are. These are for you to make an identity for yourself.
This will finally shape your own opinion about you. People don't stay with you forever but you do hence, your opinion matters the most.
Why are feelings temporary but problems aren't?  Why can't we just skip a problem? Well. If it were possible then failing in life would be a possibility too.
Failing is equal to committing suicide for some people. They think since a person couldn't be strong enough to face a problem he/she ended their life. Is it true?  Nobody knows and the worst part those poor victims can't even justify themselves so, even after death they are constantly judged which is very rude.
I have been in that phase of suicide and trust me it isn't because we can't solve a problem it is rather because we can. The solution for that particular problem is very horrible and hence we choose the alternative which we think will make it easier for everyone.
It isn't very easy to explain things of these sort. It is kind of personal thinking like it changes from person to person. Then again there is no right answer or thinking.
While the entire world may think you are the meanest and most evil person I go with solving the problem instead of cheating everybody especially me.
I may be selfish but I'd rather be called that than a cheater. I can't face myself after cheating somebody. I believe that's the worst thing one can do and if it happens even by mistake then the best thing to do is to come clean about it even if it spoils everything. Of all the things I don't mind being accused of, cheater isn't one of them.
I believe feelings are temporary and they aren't in our hand to control so, it isn't your fault but if you don't tell them it is. Though it may hurt everybody now and stuff but it will benefit you and everybody else in the long run. They will know that even if something like that happens, I can always trust this person to tell me about it. Well that's just my opinion and, I am sure a hell lot of people would like to disagree but it's again a choice.
A choice you make that makes all the difference. So, make a choice and be the difference no matter what the choice or consequence is.