No More

Pick me up, throw me away.

     Every breath i take is laced with pain.  There is banging on the door, loud crashes echoing throughout the room.  A chair flies into the wall as someone finally gets the door open.  By then, I've already fallen into the darkness.

=~=

     I wake in a hospital room.  The walls are blank, and everything smells clean.  Too clean.  I miss the warm glow of my room; the lavender scented plush that sits on my dresser.  The new surroundings make me sick, and I almost regret what I had done.

    Moments later the door creaks open and someone steps in.  "Tay?" A small voice resonates around the room, severing the silence.  I can hear hushed whispers outside the room.  

     It takes me a moment to find my voice before I manage to croak, "Come in."  I close my eyes as everyone shuffles into the room and around my bed.  A chorus of "What happened"'s and "Why"'s rang out and I winced.  

     Sighing, I barely whispered, "I was sick of it all."  Looking up into their faces, I could tell they were yearning to know more.  Taking a deep breath, I resumed speaking.

     "I couldn't take it anymore.  Every time someone lifted me up and made me feel good about myself, someone had to make me feel like trash again.  I really am weak, no matter what any of you say.  Every time someone takes a swing at you, you can always quickly rebound.  I'm always left alone to wallow in my own pity as everyone moves forward.  I'm so scared I can't even bring myself to talk to my own family anymore, it's that bad.  The only thing thats been running though my head lately is one question:  What's the point of living if you can't enjoy it anymore?  Do we really have any purpose other than to reach some Elysium that might not even be real?  Is that what our existence has come to?"  My voice breaks at the end, and I didn't realize the tears streaming down my face until someone wipes them away.

     "Tay," Its a deeper voice this time, "I-We had no idea you felt this way.  I mean, you've had your moments, but I don't think anyone really thought that was abnormal..."  Their voice trailed off and they pulled me into a hug, sitting next to me on the bed.  At this point I was sobbing, my body convulsing with each breath.

=~=

     I'm sorry guys, I really am.  I've tried to make it further, but I just can't anymore, it's like my body's given up.  I can't stomach food anymore, and I can't bring myself to do anything.  I love you all, I hope you know, and again, I'm truly sorry everything had to end like this.

     I folded the note and wrote my name on the top in a fancy font.  "I didn't think it would have to come to this..."  I mumbled to myself, lifting a gun to my temple.  I smiled, a lone tear falling, and pulled the trigger, happy memories in mind.