"I'm sorry," I force out. I despise those words, but they're all I can give. "I'm not Maven, Cal. I didn't do this to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you." And softer, barely audible, "It wasn't all a lie."
His head thunks back against the bars, so loud it must hurt, but Cal doesn't seem to notice. Like me, he's lost the ability to feel pain or fear. Too much has happened.
"Do you think he'll kill my parents?" My sister, my brothers. For once, I'm happy Shade is dead and out of Maven's reach.
I feel surprising warmth bleed against me, settling into my shivering bones. Cal has moved again, leaning against the bars right behind me. His heat is gentle, natural-not driven by anger or ability. It's human. I can feel him breathing, his heart beating. It hammers like a drum as he finds the strength to lie to me. "I think he has more important things to think about."
I know he can feel me crying, my shoulders shaking with every sob, but he doesn't say anything. There are no words for this. But he stays right there, my last bit of warmth in a world turning to dust. I weep for them all. Farley, Tristan, Walsh, Will. Bree, Tramy, Gisa, Mom, and Dad. Fighters, all of them. And Kilorn. I couldn't save him, no matter how hard I tried. I can't even save myself.
At least I have my earrings. The little specks, sharp in my skin, will stay with me until the end. I die with them, and they with me.
We stay like that for what must be hours, though nothing changes to mark the passing time. I even doze off once, before a familiar voice makes me jerk awake.
"In another life, I might be jealous."
Maven's words send shivers down my spine, and not in a good way.
Cal jumps to his feet quicker than I thought possible and throws himself at the bars, making the metal sing. But the bars hold firm and Maven, cunning, disgusting, awful Maven, is just out of reach. To my delight, he still flinches away.
"Save your strength, brother," he says, teeth clicking together with every word. "You will need it soon."
Though he wears no crown, Maven already stands with the air of a terrible king. His dress uniform is crowded with new medals. They were his father's once; I'm surprised they aren't still covered in blood. He looks even paler than before, though the dark circles under his eyes are gone. Murder helps him sleep.
"Will it be you in the arena?" Cal snarls through the bars, his hands tight on the iron. "Will you do it yourself? Do you even have the nerve?"
I can't find the strength to stand, as much as I want to rush the bars, to tear away metal with my bare hands until the only thing I feel is Maven's throat. I can only watch.
He laughs dully at his brother's words. "We both know I could never beat you with ability," he says, throwing back Cal's own advice from so long ago. "So I beat you with my head, dear brother."
Once, he told me Cal hated to lose. Now I realize the one playing to win was always Maven. Every breath, every word was in service to this bloody victory.
Cal growls low under his breath. "Mavey," he says, but the nickname holds no love anymore. "How could you do this to Father? To me? To her?"
"A murdered king, a traitorous prince. So much blood," he sneers, dancing at the edge of Cal's reach. "They weep in the streets for our father. Or at least, they pretend to," he adds with a disinterested shrug. "The foolish wolves wait for me to stumble and the smart ones know I will not. House Samos, House Iral, they've been sharpening their claws for years, waiting for a weak king, a compassionate king. You know they drooled at the sight of you? Think about it, Cal. Decades from now, Father would die slowly, peacefully, and you would ascend. Married to Evangeline, a daughter of steel and knives, with her brother at your side. You wouldn't survive the coronation night. She would do what Mother did, and supplant you with her own child."
"Don't tell me you did this to protect a dynasty," Cal scoffs, shaking his head. "You did this for yourself."
Again, Maven shrugs. He grins to himself with a pointed, cruel smile. "Are you really so surprised? Poor Mavey, the second prince. The shadow of his brother's flame. A weak thing, a little thing, doomed to stand to the side and kneel."
He shifts, prowling from Cal's cell to stand in front of mine. I can only stare at him from the ground, not trusting myself to move. He even smells cold.
"Betrothed to a girl with eyes for another, for the brother, the prince no one could ever ignore." His words take on a feral edge, heavy with a wild anger. But there is truth in them, a harsh truth I've tried so hard to forget. It makes my skin crawl. "You took everything that should have been mine, Cal. Everything." Suddenly I'm standing, shaking violently, but still standing. He's lied to us for so long, but I cannot let him lie now.
"I was never yours, and you were never mine, Maven," I snarl. "And not because of him, either. I thought you were perfect, I thought you were strong and brave and good. I thought you were better than him."
Better than Cal. Those are words Maven thought no one would ever say. He flinches, and for a second, I can see the boy I used to know. A boy that doesn't exist.
He reaches out a hand, grabbing at me between the bars. When his fingers close over the bare skin of my wrist, I feel nothing but repulsion. He holds me tight, like I'm some kind of lifeline. Something has snapped in him, revealing a desperate child, a pathetic, hopeless thing trying to hold on to his favorite toy.
"I can save you."
The words make my skin scrawl.
"Your father loved you, Maven. You didn't see it, but he did."
"A lie."
"He loved you and you killed him!" The words come faster, spilling like blood from a vein. "Your brother loved you and you made him a murderer. I-I loved you. I trusted you. I needed you. And now I'm going to die for it."
"I am king. You will live if I want you to. I will make it so."
"You mean if you lie? One day your lies will strangle you, King Maven. My only regret is I won't be alive to see it." And then it's my turn to grab him. I pull with all my strength, making him stumble against the bars. My knuckles connect with his cheek, and he yelps away like a kicked dog.
To my dismay, he recovers quickly and smoothes his hair. "So you choose him?"
The question makes me stop short. If I choose Maven, I could still hold some semblance of power, a chance to change things. I could be a Red Queen.
On the other hand, if I choose to die, then everything that the Scarlet Guard had worked so hard for, that I had worked so hard for - killed for, even - would have been for nothing.
All those deaths, Tristan's, Walsh's, and countless others, will become meaningless. I can't let that happen.
So, with a heavy heart, I hang my head in shame and say the words that will seal my fate: "I choose you, Maven Merandus Calore. I have always chosen you."
