The Gospel of Homura Akemi

A Cold Lonely Night

Cold.... I feel cold... I am cold....

Lying under thin sheets, I felt the harsh breeze of the air conditioner. I began to shiver and rub my arms for warmth. This effort was futile. I was freezing from the inside.

I couldn't sleep.

Now occasional insomnia is normal in most people. Things like counting sheep, ambient sounds, or even a glass of warm milk can usually get most people to sleep within minutes. Unfortunately, I'm not like most people. I've been having trouble sleeping for quite sometime now. I guess you can call it chronic. I go through my nightly schedule religiously; doing homework, having dinner, taking a bath, brushing my teeth. But when I lay down and close my eyes, no matter how hard I try, I'm still awake.

As I curled up in my bed, I began to ponder the real reason of my inability to rest. The true cause of why almost every night, I feel cold and alone. I miss her... Madoka..

Madoka Kaname. A small and cute girl who, despite being in middle school, had the youthful expression of an elementary schooler. Madoka lived in Mitakihara City with her mother, father, and baby brother. She went to Mitakihara Middle School during weekdays, and spent time with her close friends during the weekends. Madoka was a good girl, she never told any lies, or did anything bad. She was kind and selfless, helping others without any regard for herself.

Madoka Kaname was my friend, and she existed.

Madoka not only changed the world, but the universe for the better.

But at what cost?

She gave not only her life, but her existence as well. She was never born, nor would she ever die. Nobody, not even her beloved family remembered her. The friends that held her so dear, had never even met her. She was a concept, fated to battle despair for all of space and time...

Death would have been more merciful.

It's all my fault. It was my fault Madoka has this fate. I should have found a way to save her. If I had went back just one more time; if I had done everything right, if I had pushed a little bit harder, she would be alive right now.

I opened my eyes.

My room was unlit, with no evidence of light anywhere. Mementos and old books rested on my desk besides my old clock. The laptop that I did homework on lied neatly on my desk along with some scrap paper. On my bedpost, a collection of plush animals lined up in a row. I made out an unmistakable white tail from the back.

"I see you already.... there's no use hiding." I sighed to myself., "Incubator..."

The creature silently revealed itself. I instantly caught notice of its beady eyes. The eyes were unnatural, unsettling, and they began to glow a blood red as they focused on me.

"I'm curious to the method of how you are able to find me so easily, Homura Akemi," It's voice was high and innocent, like a child's. But I knew better than anyone that this monster was anything but innocent.

"I've had plenty of practice." I stared at him condescendingly. "Kyubey."

The Incubator's body was something mystical, a mix of a cat and a fox, all wrapped in flawless white fur. Perhaps, this is what they looked like on their home world. Or perhaps this was an intentional incubator design, in order to seem less threatening.

"You're referring to the Madoka Kaname Theory, right?" It gazed back with its unchanging expression.

I bit my lip. Of all the the times to talk about this...

"I told you that it happened already."

"And I told you that it can't be be proven to be true, unless you have proof...." Kyubey tilted his head.

I gave him a look that fully expressed my irritation.

"Without proper proof, I can only dismiss your claim as a theory." The Incubator began to scratch it's own fur, "For all we know... you could have just made up the entire story."

"How would you like to be stuffed and sold to small children?" I rolled over, facing him.

He continued "I'm merely stating the truth, Homura Akemi.... a "fact" seen by one individual and no one else might as well be fiction."

"It could be like old times..." I made genuine grin for the first time that week.

"Regardless..." he ignored my threat, "Perhaps it is not the world that has lost it's mind."

No. Don't you dare say it.

"But perhaps, possibly, Madoka Kaname was a figment of your subconscious." His eyes pierced my very being. It was such a long time since I have felt this way.

He continued, "A way for you to make sense of The Law of Cycles. It is definitely possible that you created the persona of 'Madoka Kaname' to personify this ungraspable concept."

His words ran down my spine with an icy chill.

"Again, this is only speculation. My theory is just as shaky as yours," he made what appeared to be a sigh.

Why bother sharing your theory if you didn't even believe it yourself?

"I know in my heart and in my mind that Madoka was alovel. The world can go and forget her, but I will carry on her memory." I was determined to put him in his place, at least once. "I don't give a damn about what you think. I never really did. So please, if you came here just to keep me awake, then you can go and harass some other girl."

"It seems that your insomnia is of your own consequence, and has little to do with my presence."

Incubators never really got sarcasm, did they? That, or they didn't care enough to reciprocate.

"In fact, most other girls sleep rather comfortably when I am near. I have, what you might call, a "calming presence"."

That's a lie if I have ever heard one.

Kyubey stretched out and shook his head, "Well, I cannot stay where I am not wanted."

He pounced up onto my bedroom window and pushed it open with his paw. The freezing night air flowed in, helping me in no way whatsoever.

"Please rest, Homura Akemi, for we still must hunt down the wraiths. Slip into your realm of dreams and delusions, so you may fight another night's battle." He jumped outside, the window creaked back into place and locked into place.

It was times that I was reminded on why I despised Kyubey so many times before. Even though he had the demeanor of a kind, cute creature. He was far from benevolent, but he was also far from cruel. Incubators could care less if their methods were "cruel" to the individual human drone. As long as the needs of the universe as a collective were met, nothing else mattered.

Madoka was real. I had to hold on to that. Her existence was the only thing keeping me fighting. Even if I couldn't see her smiling face again, even if the scent of her hair never again filled my nostrils, even if the warmth and love she showed me were to abandon my breast. I would not forget.

But there was something that Kyubey said that lingered at the back in my mind.

I continued to lie there, waiting for night to pass.