T H E C H A I N S M O K E R S | N E W Y O R K C I T Y
song above ⬆️
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Night came, and I was driving through countless of sobs and sniffles. My face probably looked horrendous, with my red eyes and my wet cheeks. It didn't help that everyone was out on the street enjoying themselves while I was feeling fatigued and simply miserable. I felt heartbreak.
My first ever serious relationship had went up in flames. He was everything I ever thought of for a decade. I had known him for my entire life. We were friends for no less than that. We had been in love for three years. Regardless of all those cherished memories that we spent together, when we went through all the highs and lows of our adolescent coming-of-age, he had left me. I had lost him to the arms of another, and I don't think those arms ever plan on returning him back.
I missed him terribly. I had just saw him just hours earlier, but knowing that he was not mine anymore made my chest tighten. I was sure I hadn't done anything too wrong. We had our fights, but I had never gone too overboard. I truly believed I loved him. I did love him. I still loved him. I would do anything for him. I would never cheat. Even when he decided to leave me, I let him leave me, and I didn't cry until his shadow faded into air.
I had never felt this feeling before. My body felt heavy with the haphazard of emotions, and they weren't pretty emotions. What a dangerous thing to allow oneself to the foolish thing they called love; why, it's nothing more than an eventual suicide. I was so ludicrous to believe he wasn't going to break my heart. I should've known better from all those people who went ahead.
There's no true thing as everlasting love. The closest you're ever going to receive is pity. Yet I let that term of love blind and deceive myself rotten.
He was a good boy, my darling Erik. He was innocent and charming. He looked adorable with his golden brown locks and friendly smile. He was loved everywhere he went. He was perfect - or, that's what I thought he was.
When I loved him and he loved me, I finally noticed his flaws - the flaws that I had refused to see to keep his spectacular image. He didn't hit me. He didn't cheat. He just didn't think that I was the one. Maybe we weren't the matching jigsaw pieces.
No, no. I shouldn't think of him anymore.
Today shall be the last day I will ever say his name.
Erik. Erik. Erik. Erik. Erik.
It hurts, it really does, but I won't let it hurt anymore.
He is just a silly first love, and I will have many more chances. Someday, I will settle down. I will marry and have adorable little children. Just without him. I will remove his face from those lustful daydreams and burn his letters, because Erik is no longer Erik my lover.
I look at my watch. 11:43. I have seventeen minutes to say goodbye. I pick my phone up very quickly and dial his number. He doesn't pick up until the third call.
"Hi, Erik." I say casually, trying to hide away my tears. "I needed to say something."
He lets out a tired yawn. "Heidi, I'm exhausted. I know I've been rough on you, but I'm really sorry..."
"Erik." I snap. "This is the last call you'll ever receive from me, I promise. It's really important."
"Okay, fine. If you insist."
"I think this breakup has made me realized things. Things about you and things about love. I've known much more about myself. And of course, my heart's been shattered knowing I've lost not only a lover but a dear friend and all the memories that come along with him; nonetheless it will only be a matter of time that I'll move on. You've moved on before me, but that's okay. Everything is okay eventually."
"You know everything about me, and of course, I know everything about you. You understand me like no one can. I feel comfort with you. I feel safe, you're like my home where I can always come to for a laugh. You mean so much - screw that, you mean the world. I'm so sad that this has to end, but for your happiness...what's a little sob going to do, yeah? I admit, I was crushed. I did cry. There, I said it - I cried fountains when you told me you wanted to break up, when you told me we had to end this chapter of our lives. But I'll be okay, please don't worry for me. I'm only telling you this because I don't want you to worry for me. I'll be okay eventually, like everything else..."
I smile lightly saying this. However, it is not a happy smile. It is a very bitter one, on the contrary, because I am yet to be patient and wait peacefully to be okay. Still.
"Heidi, I -" He says with evident guilt, but I quickly cut him off.
"Please don't speak. Just listen. Remember these words. Please. I hope you'll be a good person, I always will wish for nothing but all the best for you, because you will always deserve it, even after all the fights we've had. You're a good man, Erik."
"Heidi..." he trails.
I shall end this. I must before I let myself fall into his arms again.
"Goodbye, Erik."
He gulps, leaving a moment of silence after that.
"Goodbye, Heidi."
I laugh, suddenly starting to cry again for what seemed like the thousandth time.
Somehow, I was still able to mutter an "I love you." He hears.
"I love you too, Heidi."
The call ends on a good note, I believe. It's still something of closure.
I wish things could've been like before, but that's what everyone says, anyway.
Here's a better ending: I wish people didn't stop loving.
🌟
this is my first story, please leave me some feedback! <3
also, im quite new here, let me introduce myself! my name is marie and i am 13 y/o. i support arsenal, bvb, and barca :D
thanks for reading! marie xo
