The Tears Of An Englishman

England was walking down a park lane on a beautiful day, umbrella in hand, although there was no sign of rain. He always said he was “prepared for anything”, which was not true. Not at all. Japan was jogging down the same lane, when he accidentally ran into England. “Watch it, you! You could’ve killed me bloody!” Japan stood up and helped England up. “Sorry, Engrand. I didn’t mean to run into you.” England huffed. “Be on your way, then. I don’t want to see you.” Before England knew it, Prussia ran down the path, racing Gilbird, and crashed into him, full force. England fell down, and Prussia got right up, laughing. “Good race, eh, bird!” he grinned, and Gilbird peeped happily. England held his eye as tears streamed down his face. “MY UMBRELLA CAUGHT ME IN THE EYE, YOU TWIT!” he exclaimed, swatting at Prussia. “You’re hilarious. I don’t care about you! Ha!” Prussia said, and ran off, Gilbird trailing behind.

    England heaved himself up onto a near bench. He just sat there crying until he heard a little high-pitched “Hello, England! Why are you so sad?” England looked up. It was flying mint bunny and unicorn. “Oh,” England said, wiping away his tears, “I didn’t expect to see you here.” “We’re always here for you, England!” Flying Mint Bunny chuckled. England smiled and hugged the horned-horse and the flying rodent.

    Greece was feeding the cats in the park when he happened to look over in England’s direction. He looked at him closely, and saw that he was hugging nothing. “Huh?” Greece whispered to himself. He got up and cautiously came toward him. “England?” he said as he was behind him. England jumped up and said “Nothing! I’m doing nothing!” Greece was surprised at his actions. “I just came over to see how you were doing is all…” Greece looked down in embarrassment and clasped his hands together. “Sorry,” England said, “I was just sitting and… pondering life, is all.” Greece quickly took this and said, “What is to pondering life until you have finished it?” England just stared at him, and said, “Well… I.. I don’t know, but I must be going now, so goodbye.” Greece watched him as he walked away quickly with his head angled downward.

   

    England arrived home, and sat on his favorite chair. He let out a sigh of relief to be away from the other countries. ‘They might think I’m barmy!’ (Barmy means ‘a crazy person’ in British or English.) Just suddenly, a loud bang at the door made him jump from his seat. “BRITAIIIINNNNN!!!” It was France. He opened the door and ran in, shutting the door behind him. England stepped back. “I didn’t invite you here, you idiot!” “Of course you didn’t! That’s why I’m here! To marry you, and be able to come in whenever I want!” England gasped, and paced around angrily. “I’m not going to marry you! I’d rather marry Russia!” France got so angry that he slapped England. “YOU’RE GOING TO MARRY ME!” France said, and slipped a ring on to England’s finger. No matter how hard England tried to get it off, he couldn’t. England began to run into walls, and scream. He was sobbing, and then he magically turned into a cloud of smoke. Majestic music played in the background.

    France collapsed, and died after turning into a pool of wine.