Shadows From The Past (ON HOLD)

Chapter 1 - Joe: Why Me ?

I know. I know. Yes, I know. But why me ? Why am I the one who getting through all this ? Why me ?

No one can get the answer. Nobody. As I cry all night long trying to accept my fate. Trying to forget what had happened. Trying to move on. My heart exploded. I died. 4 months passed and I still can't get it off me.

Phobia. I'm phobia of everything that reminds me of the incident.

🔹🔹🔹

I cough. I sneeze. I sweat so much. I hug my pillow and close my eyes as tight as I could. I hold my breath. Making wishes of death.
Then suddenly, sound of knocks from the door,.. are knocking. I'm tired. Seriously tired. Hearing people convinced me to get a life. Hearing people make fun of my family because of me. Making bad rumors about me.

Well, I actually don't care anymore. About everything. I don't care about the world. I don't care about my friends. I don't care about my family. I don't care. I don't care.
Even though my family treated me like a princess, bringing food all the way upstairs just for me. Bringing good news everyday to keep me smile.

Even if it's fake or somehow exaggerated, but still, they're trying. It's not that I hated them which make me stop caring about them. Just... I don't know ..

Maybe because he killed me? Because I'm stupid? Because all of this happen because of me and not him? I regret everything. I used to be the smartest girl in the class. The best of all. Even teachers including principal put their trust and hope on me. But all of that, happen in the past.
Yeah, past.
I've disappoint them. The girl who used to be the most needed at school is now gone. She died. He killed her.

Wait,

no.

I kill her.

"Urgh. Your food is here, dear princess! What a useless sister,.. Oi! open up this... "

I shut my ears. I shut my mouth. Only the sound of my stomach humbling is what I hear. I walk towards the door slowly.
Waiting for my stepbrother to walk away and eat the food he left outside my room. I feel awful. I'm a burden to my family, I knew. I'm a freaking loser.

I punch myself. I slap myself. I keep telling myself that I need to move on. Past, is past. Committing suicide doesn't change anything. At least, not until I know if I'm going to have baby.. or not.

Luckily, my room is placed infront of the toilet. Easy for me to wash my hand and face.

"I'm.. so disgusting." I said with a lonely tune.

What I need to do the most right now is, predicting what will happen to me and thinking what will I do. Yeah, I know. I need to be tough right now. If the old me is dead, I just need to be born as a new me.

Then, I came up with a plan, a plan that'll never make me turn back.

"That's it! I'll go to Japan and find dad! ..but what I need is money, a lot of money." I said, with a sad and happy emotions mixing inside. Maybe because I knew my piggy bank ain't have enough.
"Oh..also, I need to be strong. Yeah, maybe I can learn some martial arts to protect myself instead of having someone who promise to protect me but.. urgh."

Remembering something awful makes me sick.

And so, as the story goes on and on. I work every night to earn money and always end up bringing materials of martial arts. I train everyday inside my room and did all this without being notice by anyone.