Secrets - A Larry One-Shot

A/N:Okay this is just an idea I had so I wrote it down like 12 am so I'm sorry if there's any mistakes and so but I hope you like it. :)xx

When Louis was younger he told his mum everything. He shared everything he knew and thought about with her. He trusted her with all his might and she loved him. Louis was Jays only son and they had always had a special bond. They loved each other very much and was not afraid to tell the other so. But when Louis was fifteen his mum stopped telling him she loved him, not because she stopped, but because Louis was now grown up and he probably didn't want or need to hear that anymore. It was only that he did. Louis had always been insecure about himself and what people thought of him. That by the way, was one of the few things Louis kept to himself. He had always wanted to make his mother proud and for her to at least believe that she had the perfect son. But it was when Louis was fifteen things begun to go down hill. It was like someone stopped holding the brace and just let go and Louis couldn't stop it. No matter what he did.

The first thing to add on the list of things that went bad in Louis life was when the football team Louis played in had a party and Louis had gotten drunk. Yes, they were underage and not allowed to drink, but hey it seemed like a good idea back then. Louis had gotten pretty drunk and he had accidentally (okay maybe it wasn't really and accident) kissed an other lad from the team who Louis had been crushing on from way back. But the lad, Mike, Louis had kissed had turned out to be a big downright homophobic prick and soon did the whole school know about the kiss. Louis never told his mother about this because he felt like she wouldn't care. He did nor tell his mum when the pricks at school started to throw harsh words at him or beat him up during school hours. The beatings didn't really affect Louis that much it was more the words, fag, queer, worthless, fat, stupid, disgusting, ugly and the final just kill yourself, nobody would miss you. The last sentence really affected Louis but he tried to hide it but it was only a few weeks after Louis made his first cut, right above his hip. He had been thinking of cutting or self harming in any way for a long time and some nights when he felt practically bad he would dig his nails deep into his skin until he was satisfied. But it was never really enough so Louis finally took act and cut himself on real. He had done it with a scissor and it had taken a while and a lot of pressure to get it to bleed. Once it was done Louis felt a twist of regret but then he thought of everything that he had been told from school and the regret was soon forgotten. Louis never told his mother this.

The next time Louis cut was about a two weeks after his first time and this time it was easier to draw blood and this time there was no regret just relief and a sick feeling in his stomach.

Louis had quit from the football team right after the party or maybe he got kicked out, because no one wanted him there anymore because it was disturbing to share a locker room with a queer who would stare at them while they showered. Louis never told his mother the real reason he quit, he only told her that he was sick of it and wanted to try something new. And to prove his point Louis joined the school's drama club. He liked acting; it was easy and no one would know if you were feeling shit because they only knew what your character showed. No one knew the real you, they only knew the one you were acting like. And it was easy for Louis. It made him happy and he felt free. 

When Louis turned eighteen he moved out from his family house and moved to London to study. His mum had cried and told Louis that she loved him, it was the first time in over three years that Louis got to hear those word and he could not help the tears that run down his face as he whispered it back to his mother. Louis never told his mother that he loved to hear her say that, that he needed to hear those words every now and then. Louis still hadn't told his mother about his sexuality.

Louis is eighteen and he is studying to become a drama and english teacher. This school is better than his last and Louis shares a shitty apartment with a dude called Zayn. Zayn is cool and he never asks Louis why Louis wears long sleeved shirts in the summer. Louis is happy but there is no longer any part of his body that hasn't any kind of cut or burn on it. Louis hasn't told anybody about this.