Daddy's girl#FreeYourShorts

Daddy's girl

There are instants in your life when you wish that some moments could have lasted longer than the others until the realization hits you that you won't be able live them again, that the person and the moments related to them are just going to be a fabrication of the shared memories. 

Moments like these are a result of the lack of assessment of the times when he was within my hands reach, when he was always there to cuddle me in his arms as mindless tears used to have their way, when he used to be the only man in my life.

My eyes feel heavy but even in the half sleep state I try to focus and make out the surrounding white walls and the pungent detergent smell of the hospital. I can faintly hear the tedious beeping sound from somewhere beside me but what bothers me the most is the numbness in my body.

 I want to move my fingers, my toes, but I can't feel anything. All I can feel is my heart bellowing against my rib cage. I want to call somebody for help , I want to shout because I am scared but I can't , I feel helpless. There's a deep sinking feeling in my heart with its hitched pace.

 I try to remember what ended me up here but all I can recall is the blaring honk and the blinding head lights. My vision is getting more blurry and I can feel the warmth of the tears seeping in my ears. I don't try to move anymore for I feel drained out of energy, of hope.

Few minutes have passed and my mind is still pacing through several thoughts but it all stops at one person, my daddy.

Scenes from few nights ago evade my mind-

"No! You are not marrying that worthless piece of garbage .I won't allow it. You are beautiful, smart, talented, a kind soul. Did I say beautiful? You are an angel baby. He is bald, unwaged,-oh my god! Why the hell would you even think of marrying him Lil?" He was exasperated probably thinking about the different possibilities of him and me ending up together. I know that I had done nothing wrong .I know that I just fell in love with him and I thought I knew he would understand. I wanted to look him in the eyes and say these exact words but somehow they died in my throat. 

"He is not good enough for you Lil and never will be."

"I want to marry him daddy. Please understand .I am not saying that I can't survive without him. No, but I am habituated to him daddy. My life has adapted to his being .I know he is not that good looking but beauty fades away daddy. He is unwaged now but situations won't stay the same always. Please, at least give him a chance to prove his worth." I kept bargaining heedlessly, pleading shamelessly and crying silently.

He didn't move. He didn't say a word. He kept gazing outside the window.

A few minutes of silence went by. He slowly turned to me with his glassy eyes and a sad smile on his face. He said "baby, I have been there for you from changing your nappies to lulling you on sleepless nights. I have matched your clothes, tied your ponies and catered every need of yours. I'd do it in a heartbeat if I had to again. I can't let you marry that someone who can't provide for your needs and be responsible for you. He doesn't even look the part. You are my princess baby and you deserve no less than a prince. I can't take in your tears Lily but I can't let you make a mistake knowing that you'd suffer later. I can't let you go. Not to him.

"Daddy you are not even making valid points."

"I know but I can't help it. You are not marrying him and that's final."

I don't know what to say. I feel whitewashed knowing that he would understand what he wants to. He wouldn't take in a word I want him to listen. My head is aching with a burden of thoughts and I need an escape from them.