Confusion

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The clock was slowly mocking him, and with every second that passed by, he was reminded of what he had just done; every minute that slowly ticked away ordered him to turn himself in. He just hoped that he would have the strength to do what was right. “But who would admit to killing his girlfriend- even if it was an accident?” he whispered to himself. Adam began to panic; the neighbours would have heard the gun shot - wouldn’t they?

            She had to be a psychopath didn’t she? A crazy, jealous woman who would stop at nothing to get what she wanted. Emily. Who would have thought that a simple name would belong to such a complex woman? Emily, his girlfriend, who had it imprinted in her mind that he had cheated. Emily, his soul mate, who had met him at their front door, gun in hand because he had been “unfaithful”. He always knew she had needed professional help, but as she lay dead on the kitchen floor, Adam began to regret his thoughts.

            Envy. They say it’s one of the seven deadly sins- ‘deadly’ being the perfect word. Emily was jealous of every girl Adam was remotely close to and now she was dead. Dead. DEAD! Tears streamed down his face as he stepped closer to inspect the body. He began to think of the consequences. The headlines. The news reports. They would twist his words and make his actions seem intentional. If – he – told. “I’m sorry. Oh Emily, I’m so sorry.” He bent down to hold her close, eagerly trying to bring her back to life with the warmth of his body. She looked so peaceful, even with blood spewing out of her chest. Her cherry red lips had begun to lose its colour, slowly turning a lavender pink. Her pristine face was turning an icy blue as her rosy cheeks faded with every droplet of blood that joined the crimson pool on the ground. Looking down at her, Adam had never felt so disorientated; just a few hours ago, he was a happy man, ready to propose to the one true thing that could complete him. Emily. “Oh Emily!” He repeated. Over and over again, he said her name, his words like sweet poison on his lips, and with every mention of that simple name, her spirit slowly slipped away. He had taken her life away. He felt empty inside; his heart so hollow, his chest so sore that he could barely breathe. He could – he would never forgive himself. Never.

            3pm and it had been three hours since the ‘incident’ but Adam had still not conjured up a plan. He just lay in the scarlet pool still holding the cold white body. He sang his lullaby aloud “Emily. Oh Emily. I’m so sorry Emily.” Maybe I should just bury her he thought, but then shook his head at the insanity of it all. Picking himself up, he drunkenly stumbled to the bathroom.  Who was that man in the mirror? Who’s face stared back at him? There was blood everywhere; to him it felt unreal.

            Adam’s blonde hair was dyed a ruby red, slowly turning black as it dried. His clothes were stained like an artist’s- red as his only paint. “I’m a murderer! A MURDERER!” Smashing the mirror with his fists, he charged out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. Adam was furious. “Maybe I need professional help! Maybe I’m the PSYCHOPATH!” He began demolishing the immaculate kitchen, plate-by-plate, glass by glass. Every cabinet door was covered in dents from where his fists had made contact; Adam was no longer a man, but a creature who’s self awareness had been obliterated by the death of his mate. A sudden knock at the door sent shivers down his spine and the beast growled. He paused for what felt like an eternity. “Emily, are you in there? Come on. Let me in.” It was Rebecca. She was the one who had convinced Emily that Adam had cheated. “Come ON Emily! It’s freezing out here! Let- me- IN!”

“Rebecca? Is that you?” Adam yelled, although he was perfectly aware of who it was.

“Yeah, it’s me, could you just let me in please!” she begged. Adam stared at the front door, then at the gun lying by his dead girlfriend. A malicious smile crept on his face as he reached for it and headed for the door.

            7pm, and it had been three and a half hours since the second ‘incident’. He had let Rebecca in. He had grabbed a cushion from the sofa. He had shot her. Twice. Now Adam was definitely a murderer but he didn’t care. He just silently slashed through her body with a saw from the garage, gradually filling up a bin bag with her bits and pieces. He turned to look at Emily who was still lying where he had left her; she was so still, so lifeless.  “All done!”he declared in a sing-song voice, throwing Rebecca’s disfigured hand into the bag. Adam felt a sudden burst of excitement, an unexpected thrill at the immediate thought that he had the power to take life. “I’ll live and let die”, he whispered, glancing at the bin bag. “They’ll hurt before I hurt, cry, before I cry. They will feel pain before they can inflict pain on me.” There was venom in Adam’s words, a poison that travelled through his body at the thoughts of killing- but something seemed to bring him back to reality, before his body could be taken over. “Oh my God! What have I DONE?” he fell to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably.

            Adam could not understand the chaos around him. He did not recall Rebecca’s visit, nor could he understand why she was now just an assortment of body parts. Now he had killed twice and he did not know why. The first death was an accident- more like self-defence; but Rebecca, she was intentional. He could not comprehend. He jumped abruptly as the phone rang from the living room. No, no, they know! They are coming for me, he thought. “Oh Emily. I can’t take this suffering, I can’t take this pain- so when I end my suffering, we’ll be together again.” Adam looked at the door, then at the gun but this time, no smile crept on his face as he reached for it. One shot to the head and he was gone. It was now too late for any regrets.

            “You have one new message,” the answering machine announced. “Gutentag Mr. Warthood, this is Doctor Fritzburg speaking. Your tests results have arrived and it has come to my attention that you might have a case of schizophrenia; therefore it would be much appreciated if you could come by my office as soon as possible in order to discuss possible treatments. Please Mr. Warthood, before you do something stupid, hurt yourself, or even hurt someone else- again.” BEEP! “You have no new messages.”