An Empty Mind and a Full Notebook

I stare at this blank page,
wanting to vomit
my words onto the page,
but in a poetic way;

Everyday,
my mind filled with nonsense,
need a new notebook cos
this ones full of contents
from my mind,

I write it down at night,
wishing I had
the capability to
do something I might
become a singer, I might
become a poet,hoping my work is recognized.

Running out of words to rhyme in time
that rhyme
with the words before.
I'm just babbling, I need to get this out,
but on paper, it won't come out
my mouth.

Wanting to be
someone I'm not, deep down I have
the thought
that I'm nobody,
not a somebody,
stuck in this mind
terrified
inside.

Outside I'm fine telling them
lies I'm
falling apart it's showing in my writing,
the way it looks the way it soundsTHISISAWORDVOMIT.

Keep this notebook a secret not
wanting them to see these secrets
they're mine to keep deep down.

I write before I fall asleep,
before the dream man reaps
the dreams from my soul,
black as coal, I'm cold.

I've been told that boys can't
be this way, "be strong, don't be grey."
But I can't help how I feel
about boys and girls, about
the world;

I wish it would twirl
Why is the world standing still?
Oh. My. God.

I'm not okay, not alright,
I can't fight these demons,
I see the lack of light
could it be? Can I see? Can I fight?
Or am I just throwing up onto this page tonight?

Every night I do this,
try to find
who I am but find no answers,
just riddles that give me more questions.
I know that didn't rhyme, it's fine,
I'm fine,
oops,
I lied.

Oh, I'm simply divine,
am intertwined in my thoughts,
stomach in knots, so many knots.

Here go my pages,
I've had this notebook for ages.
I know this isn't melodious,
it disrupts the holiness
of a song, of a poem.

I am broken,
this isn't melodious, but as long as it rhymes
it's alright, right?
Random scribbles on the wall.

I fall, this isn't a wall
this is my mind.
My mind, written down inside
for the blind to
read for none to see,
hopefully my mind isn't permanently lost at sea,
don't you agree?