Heart and Home [beckiani]

heart and home

A/N: takes place pretty soon after Nick and Clark's Ford Day concert together (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dAz326STOg) and going by Clark's Tweets he had to get skidaddling soon after- ohh, the feels :p

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Letting go is going to be an eventuality, but right now Clark really doesn't want to. He wants the feel of Nick's heartbeat against his own, arms around his waist, lightly stubbled cheek against his face, and especially those lips on his own for as long as he can, another precious strip of time to keep in his memory for when days are long and nights are lonely.

"Wish you could at least stay the night," Nick murmurs, and if not for those arms holding him upright Clark would probably slide to the floor in defeat from that soft tone.

"Me too. But I can't miss my gig..." he strokes down the back of Nick's neck like he hasn't already made the effort to memorize his lover's body under his fingertips. "You think Big Machine would object to their new Idol having a romantic runaway with his boyfriend?" his question is half teasing and half hopeful.

Nick laughs softly but still says, "Pretty sure they would," and kisses each side of Clark's mouth. "But I'm still glad I got to do something good with you."

"Me too." He moves his stroking to the little v-dip in Nick's collar and locks the resulting sigh in his memory as well.

Nick nuzzles their faces together and slowly hums their song from today, and Clark feels that certain tightness right in the center of his stomach. It's not the happy flutter he's come to associate with intimacy, but the fear of every feeling overwhelming and shutting him down.

He has to speak up, although his question comes out more timid than he'd like: "Nick?"

"Hmm?" Nick draws back, and his handsome face is washed over with concern as he gently cups Clark's cheeks. "What's wrong, beb?"

Ugh, how did he deserve somebody so sweet and loving- "Do you ever...regret us? Doing this?" The question that really dies in his mouth is Do you ever feel like you just can't do this anymore but he knows the answer will kill him.

Nick sighs and leans back in for a tender kiss. "Can't lie, Clark, sometimes it really hurts. Even when we text and Skype I still need you in my arms and I don't care how pathetic that sounds."

Oh, he knows the feeling all too well. Or waking from beautiful dreams that turn out to be just that and using all his strength to not ruin the pillow with tears-

"But I don't regret loving you for one second. We've been able to trust each other and...someday I know all this hurt's gonna be worth it when we can stay together."

Clark sighs in relief and touches their foreheads together. "I love you. I really do."

Nick flashes the smile that was so easy to fall in love with. "Me too." He slides his hands back down to Clark's hips before, "Could I run something by you?"

"I...guess?" Couldn't be anything bad given what they just told each other, right?

Nick reaches into his back pocket, and Clark feels his heart jackhammer with a Is he doing what I think he's doing oh my goodness is this too soon what am I gonna say what-

Only for it to be a torn newspaper page. No box. Now Clark isn't sure whether to be relieved or not. He unfolds it to reveal a page of Nashville realty listings.

"I figured Big Machine's gonna want to keep me near headquarters and you wouldn't wanna be too far from your folks, so, if you don't think it's too soon..."

Oh, if he had any idea. Clark smiles and absently touches one of the house pictures.

"I like that one. Got enough yard space in case we have the dogs with us."

"You really want us to live together?" Clark brings the question out into the open with a soft awe. The tightness inside has slowly melted to the happy flutters.

Nick slides his hands into the young man's back pockets for a simple but intimate hold. "I want that life with you, music business or not. I want a room to hold all our instruments and a big kitchen to entertain people and hallways to dance in and a cozy bedroom to make love every night-"

Clark cuts off the rambling by grabbing the back of Nick's collar and going in for a kiss that knocks breath away for a split-second and leaves him dizzy. He can take this feeling. Nick loves him, really loves him. They can do this together.

"You had me at 'I want'," he murmurs when the kiss breaks.

Nick laughs against his skin and refolds the page to tuck in his pocket. "You keep that, I can print out another one online. Something to keep of me an' remind us what we're working for."

And reality sinks back in. He'll have to go soon to make his flight- "I'd ask you to see me to the airport, but..."

"Another hurt. I want us to leave smiling this time." Nick holds to his hand to slowly kiss each knuckle, keeping eye contact while he leaves his loving mark. "I love you. Call me when you land."

"Of course." For just one more kiss, Clark softly brushes his mouth across Nick's forehead, one more sigh to stay with him. "See ya," he whispers to keep his voice happy and draws away so he can properly get out of the hotel room. Lingering will mean staying forever.

"Bye, babe," he hears behind him, the voice trying not to choke.

When Clark is halfway down the hall, he touches his pocket with the folded page. Someday that's going to be their home, even if he knows he just left his real home behind in Nick's heart.