Phil
Dear Dan,
I don't know how you're going to take this.
I have been trying to tell you this for so long.
I'm gay.
I'm sorry I've kept this from you I thought if I told you you would never move in with me or be my friend for this long.
I know you probably are mad but I beg you not to be.
I have one more confession to make.
I love you.
I know you don't feel the same.
I'm willing to move out I already have a place to stay if it came to that.
I'm sorry for keeping this from you
Sincerely, Phil Lester
I am shaking my hands can't keep still tears fall from my eyes I crumple up the paper and throw it in the corner of my room. I reach for my desk drawer and grab my antidepressants and take as prescribed.
I take three deep breaths wipe my eyes.
Phil Lester you will be ok. You WILL be ok.
I walk to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. As I look in the mirror I realize I have to have a video up by tomorrow. I run back to my room and shuffle through ideas that are scrawled on papers
-Unboxing
-reasons I was a weird child
-weird things I do that I don't notice
-weird things Dan does
- reaction videos
Hmmm I think I'll do weird things about me
I quickly scrawl Down a few things in a piece of paper and set up my lights and my camera.
"Hey you need any help?" Dan says peeking his head into my room
"Uh no I think I'm all good! Thanks though" I smile at him his wonderful nest of curls like a nest on the top of his head and a very cute nest at that.
"Alright just checking" he says
"How about you film something when's the last time you did that" I say jokingly
"Oh shut up" he says leaving my room laughing
I push record and Bullshit my way through the video so I can get to filming cause I know no matter what I post they'll love it a warm feeling bubbles inside thinking about how I make people happy
I edit for a few hours when I hear a knock on my door
"Hey Phil you want me to call up some take out?" Dan says peeking his head through my doorway again
"Uh no how about I can cook" I say standing my back cracking "editing is so dull I could use the movement" I say walking out of my doorway towards him
"What are you gonna make?" He asks following me down the hall to the kitchen like a puppy
"I think I'm gonna try and make some chicken noodle soup." I say looking through the cupboards for a pot
"Sounds good my dood Imma head back to my sofa crease" Dan says turning away
I chuckle of course you are
I pull out a pan put some water in it and let it come to a boil I throw in the cubes to make the broth and begin to cook the chicken and put noodles and veggies in the pot
I'm soon done
"DAN YOU WANT SOME SOOOOUUUUUPPP?!" I yell so he hears me over the music from his headphones I hear his footsteps that cause butterflies to start a whirlwind in my stomach
" you don't have to yell" he says chucking
"Well I didn't know if you had your headphones in" I said defensively I quickly make him and I both a bowl and look at him as he takes a bite "well?" I say wondering if he likes it
"This is actually pretty good Phil good job" my heart flutters i quickly take a bite of my soup and realize he totally just lied this tastes awful I spit it out into the sink
"You lied this tastes awful!" I say frowning and laughing at the same time
"Yeah I did its pretty bad" he says chuckling throwing his bowl into the sink "want me to order take out now?"
"Yeah" I say utterly defeated while dan just chuckles
I throw my bowl and the rest of the pots and pans into the sink and go to the lounge while dan calls take out
"Do you know where the paper with the stuff we get from here is written from this place is" dan says popping his head out from around the corner
"Yeah" I say distracted by my laptop "it's crumpled up in my room somewhere go ahead and look"
"Kay." he says walking off to my room suddenly fear hits my gut like a punch
THE LETTER!!
I run to my room to see dan standing looking at the letter my heart drops he looks shocked I quickly turn around and run out before he sees me not knowing what to do
He walks back in the piece of paper sticking out of his pocket and the order sheet in his hand on the phone with the restaurant I stare at my computer intently hoping I'd just disappear my stomach churns
"When did they say it'd get here?" I say acting like nothing happened
"In about 20 minutes" he says quietly my heart drops deeper "uh Phil..."
"Yeah Dan?" I say looking at him shoving my hands in my hoodie pocket to hide their quakes
"Uh nevermind I'm gonna go to my room tell me when the food gets here" my heart falls so low its just sitting there on the floor barely beating
Is he seriously acting like he didn't see it. I think to myself
"Yeah ok..." I say as he walks away from me not even sure in he heard me
what am I gonna do now...
