A Letter To You

For My Grandma

My Grandma reminds me of Naomi from the book of Ruth in the Bible because she experienced so much, but eventually found peace. When Naomi lost everything it was Ruth who stayed by her side, who loved her and vowed to never leave her. Naomi wasn't so lonely then and became more hopeful - she became the sweet woman everyone knew her as, just like my grandma. Ruth taught Naomi not to give up, to keep living for another day because the Lord will bless you. They were both strong women in Christ. Naomi's pain had been Ruth's pain - so similar to how me and Maw Maw are. Through holding on, Naomi was able to see true joy again. I'm so thankful to my grandma for being there for me and for hanging on to the very end. She is so sweet, so beautiful, so strong and stubborn, and I cherish and love her every day.

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This is the speech I made for her funeral:

I've never been good at public speeches, so I'm sorry if I mess up. Barbara was known to a lot of people as a friend, some as a sister, others as a mother and grandmother, and one as a wife. I called her Maw Maw. Growing up she took care of me because others had to work. She was so caring to my want and needs, going above and beyond to make me happy.

Whatever I was watching, she would get into.

We had a Nintendo64 and we would always play Smash Brothers on it, she would always be Kirby and I would play Pikachu. She made my home life fun and welcoming when I had trouble in school.

We would butt heads a lot, but we would make-up. I loved her and she loved me. Maw Maw loved to cook for everyone, especially cakes. She loved to talk and sometimes argue, but we all loved her regardless. She was such a sweet and funny person who had sensitive feelings that a lot of people didn't know about. We were best friends who watched movies and anime together, and for years I would sit and read to her my books and the Bible. She became such a fan of my books and would always look-out for me when it came to being published. She was the first person to believe in me and my dreams.

Last summer was the last time we got to go out and do things like traveling, taking family pictures, and going to the movie theatre. She had always been battling with the Devil when it came to sickness, she thought she could escape the pain she held by taking her own life, but God didn't take her. Over and over she tried to but God never took her.

It was one Sunday toward the Fall last year that it started. We were coming home from church when she cursed against God and denied Him. I knew in my heart that there would be consequences for what she did, and the following day was when she fell ill with a UTI. It was worse for her because she was older, but we helped her through it. I had to do things I never thought I would have to do so early. I had to hand-feed her, massage her, change her, and help bathe her.

When she got over the brief illness, she started falling more and her mind started getting worse.

We had to get a wheelchair for her.

It was so hard for her to fight the illness taking over, she was so used to giving up. But again, God saved her and she was able to see that she had people who loved her. She held on until late January when we had to have Hospice come in, when she became completely bed-ridden. She had Dementia, and her mind was going.

It was during these times that I saw God's plan. It was a reassuring Word from the Bible about when you lose your mind and revert back to a child that God forgives you. It was such a reassurance that the happiness filled these months we had with her. Because for the longest time she talked about going to hell and we all felt bad because we didn't want that.

But in the end it had all led up to this, to her being able to go to Heaven. It's a joy that I keep with me and it keeps me strong.

The night before her passing I remember I talked with her. I held her hand and tears came to my eyes as I said, "remember how I used to always read to you? I used to read my books to you and you were such a fan of them..." Even though she couldn't talk at the time, she looked at me and listened. I loved her so much.

To those who helped take care of her, thank you. I know it meant a lot to her to see you.

That morning I was drawn to see her and found her unresponsive. It was so awful to be the one to find her like that, I just didn't expect it. I felt like she left too soon for Heaven, it was too soon for her to leave us. There's still so much I want to do. I want to feed her, give her water, talk with her and hold her hand. I know she held on for as long as she could, this past week she knew what was happening and where she was going.

She became so wise.

I know she must be having so much fun in Heaven, where she's able to walk again and feel no more pain. She would want us to celebrate and be happy that she made it to Heaven. Please remember that God will comfort us. Go to Him and He will give us peace.

Thank you for listening.