This interview takes place during a Facetime.
M = Mary
A = Abigail
* * *
M: Hmm, I need to think of something funny and good... Like...
A: What?
M: Umm...
A: ...
M: What your favorite soda?
A: I don't drink soda.
M: Then what do you drink?
A: Wader.
M: *blinks* You mean water?
A: No. Wader.
M: ... Awesome. Name your iPad. The first name you think of.
A: Ippy.
M: ... What?
A: I-p-p-y
M: ... Okay. But why that name?
A: You told me to say the first name I thought of!
M: *giggles* I don't know why, but the first thing I thought of was Maple Syrup.
A: ...
M: Name the first friend's name you think of.
A: Hmm?
M: Name the first name of any of your friends that you first think of. Any of your friends.
A: Why am I thinking of Bob? What? Now I'm thinking of Potato. I swear I don't have a friend named Bob!
M: Okay, just let me type all of that first... Fuck you dog!
A: You have a dog?
M: *snorts* I wish. By Cher Lloyd. Hashtag song references!
A: ... NO! Work! Fucking work!
M: From home.
A: What?
M: Work From Home! By Fifth Harmony!
A: ...
M: What would you throw out a window?
A: Cheetos.
M: What?
A: No look. *shows me the cheetos through Facetime*.
M: Oh.
A: At first, I was going to say dog, then big stick, but then I was like, no wait...
M: ... If you had a dog, what would you name it?
A: Moose.
M: Alright then. Think of a color and a tool.
A: Rainbow screwdriver.
M: No! Like, an actual color!
A: Purple.
M: What's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of your dream guy?
A: Abs.
M: Same!
A: I did think of face, but like... My tumblr's crashing, so now I'm gonna go on Wattpad. Where's my charger! No! No! Nooooo!
M: ... Next question. What's your favorite duck tape?
A: Is that even a thing, like-
M: Yeah.
A: Like, color duck tape?
M: Yeah.
A: Can I say rainbow?
M: No. Well, technically there is a rainbow duck tape, but... Wait, hold on. Let me write this down.
A: I swear, if you wrote down half of what I say, people would be worried.
M: Well, I just write down what I remember, which I type quite slow, well, I don't type slow, I can actually type without looking, I just, backspace a lot, you know?
A: Mm hmm.
M: Okay. Next question.
A: You should just look up best friend interview questions online.
M: No! But those aren't funny!
A: So just look up funny best friend interview questions!
M: No. Umm...
A: ...
M: Fine! I'll look it up.
M: On average, how many times a week do you hurt yourself trying to dance in the shower?
A: Umm, I don't really dance in the shower. I just basically stand there for ten hours doing nothing.
M: Who would you let punch you directly in the face?
A: So, just like, directly in the face?
M: Yeah.
A: Umm, a hot guy, or like, one of my best friends.
M: So if I punched you in the face, you wouldn't mind?
A: Yeah, well I mean, it depends on if it's, like, lightly, or super hard, you know? Like if it hurts really badly, then-
M: Well, I probably would be too scared to punch you anyway. You go like, hulk on me.
A: *nods eagerly* *chews on cheetos*
M: How many donuts are you capable of eating in one sitting?
A: A lot. Like, I don't know, but a lot. Like, I would just start binging out at times. *flails* Damn it! Oh shit. I just dropped my cheetos. Aww!
M: What do you do when a baby just stares at you in public? Like, doesn't even blink, just maintains intense, aggressive eye contact with their dumb baby face. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO IN THIS SITUATION?
A: Fuck it up.
M: Finally, and this one is important, so please pay attention. What do you think cats dream about?
A: Potatoes. Don't question my brain. *chews*
M: What are you eating?
YOU ARE READING
The Fangirl's Guide to Life
RandomA book to look through when life, karma, Mother Nature, and luck are all bitches. May or may not be told through an interview format.
