Meraki

made of marble

"Made of Marble"

Zelophobia, the fear of intense jealousy.

Yesterday, I felt it but did not know the definition.

Xenophobia, the fear of strangers,

which I must admit, I have never felt.

Virtually every fear I have ever experienced

ultimately involves the act of feeling itself;

to feel is to betray this mask I have created,

stone-cold and molded from grey marble,

rare in its simplicity, its dullness. Its effect

quite easily shields my mind and heart from

potential emotions. And in doing so, I

oppose any warm embrace, any kiss or

new, eager lover. I avoid this emotion

many call love as though it is the black plague.

Love, this mask protects me from it, as well as

kisses; the marbled armor rebounds such

jumbles of affection and thoughtful gestures.

I cannot allow myself to feel, in any way, the

harrowing emotions I know come with love:

greed, disappointment, jealousy, hate.

For all I have learned, it is that love will

eventually deteriorate into its very opposite,

down into the inky depths of hatred. Of this I am

certain. So I mold myself into the marbled mask,

beneath a façade of stone and lack of emotion. But,

always – always – I am terrified.

m.l.p.