Skylight Confessions: A Destiel Fanfiction

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Dean Winchester had lived three years without his best friend and brother by his side. Three years with an empty twin bed next to his, a missing person at the dinner table every night, and one less face in the Christmas cards Sam and Dean's mother always insisted on mailing to relatives. And today, March 23rd, 2016 was three years to the date.

"Dean? Dean! Man, get up. It's time to go." Dean shifted awake after a short nap on the couch, his younger brother Sam shaking him vigorously.

"Watch it, Sammy. Today is not the day to mess with me." After collecting himself, Dean finally came to his senses and realized where they were going. Adam's grave, Dean thought. Shit. Dean knew it had been three years, and he also knew how much he had changed since then. The once open, enlightened and energetic boy his family had known had closed in on himself - he became a hermit of sorts. Friends were unimportant, school was unimportant. Even his place as captain of the football team at Lawrence High became a secondary thought after his brother Adam had gotten sick in the fall of 2012. When Adam died in the early spring of that later year, Dean's whole world fell apart.

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Mary Winchester was sniffling with shaking shoulders in the car ride to the grave site of her youngest son. John, her husband, was attempting to drive the car as well as comfort her, his right hand switching between the steering wheel and gently caressing her palm. Sam sat with a stone cold expression, hands jittery on his lap, and hard, angry tears silently rolled down Dean's cheeks as he attempted to wipe them away with back of his hand. 

"I want to go home," Sam coughed, trying to act like the somber trip didn't effect him. Dean stared at him, wishing at that moment that Sam had been the one who died. Maybe then I would be happy, and not stuck with a brat brother like Sam. Dean took it back immediately and was flooded with guilt. He saw how Adam had been before he died, and he saw how torn everyone in his family was. You couldn't wish that on anyone. 

"Sam, not today," John spoke softly but sternly, a warning tone in his voice. The smooth sound of the car's tires on pavement swiftly switched to the rough, coarse feel of the gravel that leads up to the graveyard. 

Dean walked up to the edge of Adam's grave, and silently looked over everything he had placed there over the years. Adam's favorite toy from when he was a baby. Back in Black by AC/DC. Adam's favorite book, Swan Song, from their favorite series by Carver Edlund. Today, Dean placed one of the LEGOs he had fished out from the radiator in his dad's old Chevy Impala. Without a sound, each member of the Winchester family said their silent prayers and went back to the car by themselves. Dean was last. 

"Dammit, Adam." Dean wrung his hands together, sliding them up and down his thighs in an anxious fret. "Man, I'm sorry. Truly. Who am I kidding? I miss you so fucking much.. an-and," Dean hesitated before he went on, his throat feeling closed in and his head foggy with memories that have been pushed aside. "I can't do this. I'm drowning without you, Ad. Sam doesn't get me, mom and dad don't get me either. THIS IS BULLSHIT!" Dean's head spun with anger and grief and everything he was holding down for three years. "THEY DIDN'T DO SHIT FOR YOU, YA HEAR ME? THOSE DOCTORS THEY.. THEY FUCKED UP! THEY COULD'VE SAVED YOU I SWEAR. T-they could've saved you. Shit. I'm sorry. I don't want to make a scene." His knees hit the ground with a thud and his face was wet with tears. But Dean's anger was dry. He was mad at the world that failed him and his brother, the world that left one of them in the dust and let one of them fly away. Sam came up behind him, his hands gently placed on Dean's shoulders. 

"It's okay. There is nothing they could've done Dean. Everyone was on his side. I promise. They did everything to save him." Sam shuddered as the chill March air blew around him. Dean shrugged his hands off of his shoulders and pushed his younger brother away. He walked away without saying a word and got in the back of the car, weary and upset.