Just a Thought...

Beginning thoughts

I've always had these thoughts, and I've never been able to really describe it in short words. So, this is me, saying what I've wanted to say for a really long time.

So, lets just jump in shall we...

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What are we, Really? Were humans, yes, but what are we really. We are people walking around everyday, living our lives. But, what are our lives. We are bodies of flesh and muscle and bone being controlled by a big but also small muscle in our heads. People say our skeletons are inside of us but really we are inside of our skeletons! All that we are are bodies full of blood and energy being controlled by a blob of muscle. Our thoughts, actions, feelings, are all just little sparks inside of our brains. So, this doesn't really make sense to me. We live our lives, thinking about us. How are we? How are our friends? How is my grade in school? How is my job going? Do i have a boyfriend? My response: Does it matter!

In my view, all that we are are the little sparks in our brains. I don't believe in souls, I don't believe in religion, i believe in life and in now. But now isn't really now. When we do stuff, such as get a job or go to school, we are preparing for the future. But in the future there never is an end to the preparing until death. We are born, we learn to speak and write, we go to school, we learn basic education, we get a job, we graduate, we get a career or go to college, we master that or we move on, we save for retirement, we have kids, they have kids, we retire, we prepare for death, we die. The this process of never ending preparing is so pointless in my mind. We live... to live. we live to be happy. To make sure that our fellow human survives, so they can bring happiness and life to others. Why is this not understood!

And our lives, we follow a routine of sorts for all eternity. every living thing on this earth does the same routine, and no one notices. We are born, we live day to day, we reproduce, we die. The thing that i find fascinating is that one persons mind can take on this idea in a completely different tone! Our world is so complex and real. We all are so similar yet so different. If i am to look at an object at the same time as someone else, i may think something different about it than they do. If I see a bench on the sidewalk it may mean nothing to me, but to someone else it may be their whole world. They might have been born there, or met their lover there, or merely tripped there and remembered the experience. What I'm trying to say is that... life is so complex, and so different. And it is fascinating.

How we live day by day, how the day turns to night annually, how the earth turns on its axis and the moon around the earth and the earth around the sun and the sun sits smack dab in the milky way. in the galaxy and beyond and beyond! Its so weird how i can imagine this, How i can understand that life is living, but not understand...why. Why does the earth do this? Why does this universe exist here? Why does that man live? Why is that person being killed?.................

Something i know i will never understand, is why people die. I understand the old age and sickness part. But, what i don't understand is why the killing is happening. Why does this person kill another, take another life. If our one true purpose on this earth is to live, then why are others taking that opportunity away from others. Why does one person listen to another, and follow the others orders if the orders are to harm another? Why do you follow a person with blind faith, only to step on the life of another in your hurry to please the "Leader."

(this next part is about religion, you may skip if you wish)

What I don't understand is why people listen to a god who hates, to a god who would tell his followers that "This is wrong, This is sinfull, This is shamefull, If you do this you will burn forever in a place of darkness and fire" If you haven't figured it out, this one is christianity. But other religions do the same! An example of this is Islam. (i'm not 100% on this, im just trying to find another example and Islam just came up) In the Islam religion, Muslims worship Allah (The God). They work to please him, but if you dig into the religion, you will find that there really is no pleasing. People will do whatever it takes to please their god, without realizing the consequences. 

(This link is something i found to help explain to Islam ideas. If its wrong, call me out on it. I am happy to take this part off it if offends people, im just trying to be informative. http://www.gotquestions.org/who-is-Allah.html )

Life is a beautiful thing. Its full of challenges and battles. We face hardships in our lives, as well as loss and great pain. But, even though i do not believe in souls or life after death, i find that at death we will be in comfort. when you die, some say that your life will flash before your eyes. That you will see all of the good, and bad, that you have ever done. I find this to be both a comfort and a concern. When i die, i want to pass knowing whats coming. I know that dead is dead and there is nothing is gonna happen after. but, i would rather die at the end of a bullet than due to old age or in my sleep. Most people find this weird but like i said, i want to know whats coming. When you die of old age, you pass slowely. hooked to machines with your loved ones surrounding you. Your can see them, true, but you can also see the sadness that they will forever hold because of this. You can see them thinking through all of the good times you had, and silently wishing them back. You see the fear they hold, and after your gone, you wont see the pain they hold for a long time. This may be a cruel or selfish thing to ask, but i would never want my family to feel this pain. I dont want them to feel the pain of their daughter getting murdered either. I want them to feel happy for the life i've lived, not sadness for the years i will not.

This is getting deep and i am getting emotional, so im gonna stop. i'll make another chapter tomorrow maybe, maybe not. If you like this or have questions about what i said, message me, comment, i dont care. i am willing to talk to anyone who needs it.