The room feels empty. Has been since the past three years, since Louis and Harry separated.
The street lights illuminating their way through the cracks into the room, breaking the dark blanket surrounding it, where lays Harry, curled up upon himself, his body blanketed under the warm duvets, yet not enough to bring the warmth his body craved for, the warmth that a certain blue eyed boy, with brown hair brought him.
It has been three years, he keeps reminding himself but these three years feel like a mere three days, a burning so raw, a wound so fresh. Still, it has been three years, it can't be changed.
Day after tomorrow. Its their ten year anniversary.
And he is going to visit Louis, to tell him what he has been barreling inside of him for the past three years, to tell him what Louis Tomlinson gave up, to let him know How much he hurt Harry, to let him know that what he did was wrong.
But was he ready to face Louis yet? To tell him what he locked away in his heart? To tell him that all Harry wants and always wanted was him and only him? Was he ready, even when he was the one who witnessed it all, witnessed Louis being torn away from him, and he couldn't do anything to keep him back?
Harry had to do it. Louis made the wish.
Harry is fine. He is fine if eating a square portion of a meal to keep him alive is enough, if showering until he can't stand the smell of himself is enough, if talking to someone after them knocking down the door is enough. He is fine. He is trying. Louis promised.
Fast forward a day and here brings the day of their tenth anniversary, their day of solace, their day of happiness, their day of togetherness.
Grabbing his set of car keys, putting on his shoes, and Harry is off to face Louis Tomlinson, to talk to him, after three years.
An hour long car drive, a few bumpy roads, a not so busy traffic and a halt to a certain florist and there stands Harry, in front of his destination.
Pushing the gate open, a cool breeze brushed past his face, a faint unfamiliar smell lingering through, a smell that is not Louis', a smell that doesn't remind him of Louis.
Padding through the grass, rustling the dry leaves, Harry stance froze, he stood there, completely frozen, in front of Louis Tomlinson. Only, Louis Tomlinson isn't smiling back, like he used to, when he saw Harry. He is down there, buried six feet within, maybe smiling, looking up at him, happy that Harry didn't forget their anniversary. As if, Harry could ever forget.
The cemetery is never a warm place to be in, yet today Harry feels so at peace, a unfamiliar warmth cascading down his entire body, making him feel content.
"Hey" ,the first word in three long years.
Crouching down against the tombstone, Harry sat down beside it, placing the flowers carefully.
"Brought you your favourites" , Harry smiled contently.
And Harry didn't realise he was tracing Louis' Tomb, absentmindedly.
"Sorry, I didn't visit. I was just not okay, you know. I am okay now, though. At least, trying."
All Harry wanted was those cerulean orbs staring right back at him, touching him, holding him, until everything felt right but..
"It's our ten years, today. Sick, innit? I brought you something." ,Harry mumbled fishing a box out of his pocket.
"Remember that day?"
*****
"I am going to spoil you so much, spoil you like my princess", Louis said nuzzling his face closer to Harry's
"You already do that, baby", Harry replied.
"Yeah, 'cause you deserve it all, deserve to be spoiled. I am gonna give you a ring each year on our anniversary, a different one each year and you'll have to wear them. No excuses", Louis said grinning excitedly.
"What happens when I run out of fingers? You know, after our ten years?", Harry asked
"Well, you would be needing just one finger then and that would be enough. Our tenth year, and i am gonna pop a ring , a question and turn your surname to mine", Louis said kissing Harry's temple.
********
"Unlike you, I remembered and stayed, you twat", Harry said in between choked sobs.
Every word hurt, every single moment without Louis hurt, but Harry knew there was nothing Louis could do, nothing anyone could do to make him stay back, and not leave. Last stage of that deadly disease wasn't something anyone could revive Louis from.
"I love you so much, Baby. I-I feel so fragile, why couldn't you stay, baby? Why couldn't you? Your arms aren't there to hold me upright, to tell me that everything is going to be alright, you aren't here. Not anymore"
And Harry suddenly feels so out of place, this was not the thing he came here for, he wasn't here to repent, cry and fall weak. He was here to make up for the past three years he missed, the past three years he went without visiting the half of his soul entrapped deep within the crevices of this ground. He was here to make things right.
"I came here to do the thing that you promised to me, love. I am giving you this ring to let you know that ,you ,Louis Tomlinson is the only person of mine, my one and only. You are it for me, Louis. You are what I am to you. I am forever yours like you are forever mine. I am leaving you this ring to let you know that you have to be mine even when you are out there up above the skies, with white wings and being an angel that you are. You are still mine, like I am still yours. And Louis William Tomlinson, I am not taking no for an answer" ,Harry mumbled through a wet chuckle.
Placing the ring carefully on the tombstone, Harry placed a kiss as if savouring the long missed taste that belonged to his person, but his lips met with an unfamiliar cold tingling, not the warm sensation.
"You are my only constant in this uncertain world, Lou" , were the last words Harry said before retreating back through those huge gates that he entered the cemetery through.
