What a Mess
Gordon Ramsay was standing in his kitchen, listening to a loop of Jim Morrison screaming. His screeches made his member rise. His "Friend" was named Member, and he started to rise from Gordon's crotch, like a phoenix from the ashes. He didn't know how to hide his unbearable lust for Jim Morrison,and he couldn't wait any longer for his hunny to come home from the Vietnam War.
Suddenly, there was a noise coming from the kitchen, that strangely sounded like jimmies being rustled. Gordon crept quietly into his massive kitchen, where he cooked all his foods and stuff, and attempted to rub the blush from his cheeks. When he opened the pantry that the noise was coming from, he spotted Guy Fieri in the corner of the cupboard, rustling his jimmies with Brian Setzer. Sexual moans erupted from Guys garganta.
"DIOS MIO, MI AMIGO!" He screeched. Gordon was jealous of the duos fun, and was so eager to please his Sweet Jim when he got home, he couldn't disappoint.
Jim somersaulted through the ceiling, wearing only tight leather pants, landing in his lover's lap. Suddenly, Gordon's maid Weird Al walked in on the scandalous display. I
"Hey there, lover bois," Al smirked. "Can I join the party?" Guy looked up at Al with half lidded eyes, a moan caught in his throat as he beckoned the remaining man over to his corner.
Meanwhile, Gordon wriggled his eyebrows and looked into Jim's lust-filled eyes.
"I'm eager to please your jimmies," he whispered.
"faTHER!" Juan Eggbert cried, flinging his small body at Gordon. Gordon's eyes flashed with fear for his son's innocence, and quickly grabbed a spoon and covered Juan's eyes. The rest of the men seemed oblivious to the child's presence, and continued with their pleasure-filled actions.
"Juan!! Go back to your ro-" Jim was cut off as Juanita Lalonde bounded into the room, crashing into her dad. Gordon screeched again, and grabbed another large spoon to cover his young daughter's eyes with.
"BOTH OF YOU!!! GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS NEXT DOOR!!" Jim and Gordon yelled, their faces a deep shade of red as the children moved around in confusion. The cold metal spoons still adorned their faces as they were removed from the room by Gordon's magical chef utensils.
Rejected juggalo stumbled into the room, high as usual, and exclaimed,
"WhAt Is Up My InVeRtEbRoThErS!?" All five men stopped what they were doing and stared at the figure in confusion.
"Who are you and why are you in my kitchen?" Gordon demanded, his eyes narrowing.
"mY nAmE iS-" but before he could finish, Jim had pounced on the unsuspecting troll, yodeling all the while. Rejected Juggalo screamed and fell to the floor, gasping as the wind was knocked out of him.
"EITHER JOIN THE PARTY OR GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!!!!" Jim shrieked, waving his arms manically. Rejected Juggalo's eyes were filled with terror, and he squeezed out from under the loud man, and bolted from the scene. Gordon grabbed Jim's still frantically waving hands, and stared deep into his eyes.
"No one has ever defended my kitchen like that, Jim. Thank you."
He then pulled Jim in for a passionate kiss, and the other 3 men stood around fangirling as their main otp shared an adorable moment.
Out of the great abyss, Brendon Urie backflipped through the window, glass shards flying all over the large room. He then sang a note so high it shattered the rest of the windows in the kitchen.
Gordon fell to his knees, throwing his head back and yelling,
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" as dramatically as he could, and sobbed loudly into Jim's shoulder.
Breadbin noticed that all the men were naked, and stripped off his shirt right as Kenny tore through the wall.
"B R E NDON, WE'VE BEEN SEARCHING ALL OVER TOWN FOR YOU!! WE HAVE A CONCERT STARTING IN FIVE MINUTES!!! PUT YOUR SHIRT ON AND GET OVER HERE!!"
Breakfast stared directly into his band-mate's o r b s and said, in the most monotone voice in the history of monotone voices,
"Shirts are too restricting. My torso desires to breathe in the polluted air everywhere I go, my skin needs to drink up the sun. I need to feel the breeze on my spine, like the whispers of the trees calling out to me. I must be one with nature. I must be whole."
Kenny gazed back into Bredno's sparkling orbs and whispered,
"Okay."
Then he ripped off his own shirt, and he and Bondren skipped happily off to their car.
The men inside the Ramsay house glanced at each other in silence. They all decided enough was enough, and put their clothes back on. Al stepped out to go finish cleaning a ceiling or something, but not before winking seductively at Guy and Brian, who remained in the corner of the pantry. Jim promised he would have someone come out and redo Gordon's kitchen, attempting to console the upset chef. The two walked out of the room, probably going to go outside and set up a kiddie pool to swim in.
But then. Dave Strudel creeps out from his hiding place in the kitchen, a dazed look on his face. He stumbled over to his boyfriend who was waiting outside in the hall.
"Did you get it???" Karkat hissed. "The secret recipe to Ramsay's potato knishes???"
Dave just stared blankly at him.
"Dave... why are you looking at me like that!?" Karkat whisper-shouted, but he looked a little concerned. "Dave..?"
Dave fell into Karkat, burying his head into his shoulder as he sobbed. Karkat sat motionless and stiff, extremely confused and unsure about how he was supposed to react. He finally resorted to patting his back in an attempt to comfort the scarred boy.
The two made their way home, vowing never to return to the Ramsay household again.
THE END
