Love On The Brain ↠ Japril

Prolouge

A/N: Hi Guys,
I wanted to write this story because I've had the idea of this story stuck in my head for a long time. I ship Japril really hard and Grey's is one of my favorite shows. However, I have never ever read any Japril fanfics that include Samuel so I didn't know what to do with this prologue. This is what I came up with.
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The first night and first few days at home after their son's birth and death felt like a living hell for the Avery's. April hadn't said a single word, since they arrived home a few hours. The only sentence that had left her mouth were as she asked Jacksons to pass her their dinner, takeout Chinese food which included extra fortune cookies from earlier that evening. Jackson watched as April currently stared blankly at the wall and looking off into space quietly their living room in shocked trance like state for at least two hours, after waking up from the sleep she had drifted in and out of. She couldn't keep her eyes closed any longer. Every time she closed her eyes she was back in the hospital room as she held Samuel. April could remember every single detail of her child. Exactly how he felt in her arms. How it felt to have both Jackson and Samuel by her side. The three of them were a family for a very short time. It pained her to her core that the very short amount of time of a few hours in that hospital room was was the extent of her son's entire life.

Trying to find a silver lining to the situation, April began to think of the life full of agonizing suffering she had saved their child from. Samuel knew nothing of hatred, loss, sadness, or fear while he was wrapped in the loving arms of his parents for the short single short hour of his life.

Her train of thoughts were quickly interrupted as Jackson began called "April-", "I'm fine, Jackson." April shouted angrily, getting up from the couch their as she eventually ends up in the kitchen before heading to their bedroom deciding to take a shower. After she had taken a shower and returned to the living room, Jackson appeared leaning against the doorway with a look of distress spread across his face, his blue eyes looking at her with deep sorrow and concern. "April-" He tries again, "I'm fine. "You don't need to worry, Jackson." She sighs once more.

"How can I not worry? You were the one to bring him into this world and make the one to make the decision." he waits for her reply before speaking once more, "Please don't say you're fine."

"Are you fine?" April begins to shout. "Are fine with this? I know you're not fine. What we went through today was absolutely traumatic. Please tell me something" she takes a step closer to him, tears beginning to well in her eyes, looking start into the deep blue pools of his.

"I'm coping." Jackson begins calmly, "I am tired. I feel worn out, I feel broken, maybe not as much as you is but I'm still hurting. I don't know if I'm going to be alright. You gave birth to our son and had to say goodbye to him during the course of sixty minutes. I don't really bare my soul to anyone however you're the exception. You're my wife and the love of my life so I you need to give me some emotion, something." Jackson retorts.

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" April asks betweens sobs.

"I know you. You're my best friend, April. I know you're hurting. I'm worried that you're suppressing your emotions.''

"He was supposed to be here. Our child should be here right now. We're here and our child isn't. We're supposed to be having sleepless nights together. It was supposed to be perfect. She paused, taking a breath as her throat began to feel raw. "You built rocking chairs, and set up the crib. It was supposed to be perfect." April finished before breaking down and sobbing yet again, almost falling to the hardwood floor in tears, before being cradled into his Jackson's as they sit in silence together.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go from here.'' April stated softly barely above a whisper, after a few minutes of sitting on the floor in a silence, as she lay her head against his chest. Jackson stares at her, for a moment before clearing his throat, saying "I don't either, April. I don't know what do." The is one thing he is sure of is. His worst nightmare cannot become a reality. He doesn't want her to shut down, shut him out, burying herself in work and trauma patients, as she pretends that everything can go back to how it was before. "However, I do know that you can't shut down or shut me out completely. I'm completely lost just as you are. It's the blind leading the blind but we're in this together." April nods at his remarks, before collapsing herself into a ball in his lap, as she wraps her arms wrapping around his torso for comfort. They listening to each other's breathing. It's calm, and quiet.

"Do you think we'll get through this and be okay?" She whispers weakly, looking up at him shyly, her voice nothing above a whisper. She sobs once again, clinging to his chest tighter than before. He then rubs her back, running his head through her tight soft red curls, "I hope we'll okay, I hope so," he whispers, gently kissing her forehead and carrying her to bed.

April spends much of the next few mornings before work in their darkened bedroom as she had closed all of the blinds shutting out any light from coming in. She only leaving the bed to get something to eat or to release the bile in her throat before empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet, after waking up from constant nightmares of Samuel's death, leaving her throat painfully raw each morning.

Although she had cried until the back of the throat became raw, she still felt a burning ache within her. She ached for Samuel. She constantly cried, waking up from nightmares, only to find Jackson running his hand down her back to sooth her pain, kissing her forehead gently, as she collapsed into him. This routine became an ongoing cycle each morning. She began to feel guilty that this behavior became a recurring theme, making Jackson nearly her caregiver. Jackson had been supportive from the moment they knew of their son's condition.

"O-Oh No," April stammered leaping out of bed, out of bed feeling another wave of nausea rushing over her. When the nausea was gone, she once again felt Jackson's hand rubbing her back to sooth her, as he lifted her up to carry her back to bed. "I'm sorry you have to do this,"
April sighed, once they were back in bed, looking straight into his eyes which she noticed were surrounded by puffy bags. "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for," Jackson comforted her, moving his hands to April's back and rubbing gently. "I' don't know what to do either..."

He looked down as he tried to think of more comforting words, the bag under his light eyes still visible as April felt a lump stuck in her raw throat. She wasn't sure what say either. They were both tired and didn't have any words left to convey that would make their current situation any more tolerable.

"We don't have to to do, anything today. We can just lay here together." April offered shyly, as burning hot tears streaming down her face. He nodded weakly and lifting her onto his lap as she collapsed onto his chest. Jackson rocked his wife back and forth. Jackson and April were sound asleep on the bathroom floor.

-

After numerous couple therapy sessions, April was still hurt over the lose of Samuel, making the decision to go work with Dr. Hunt in a warzone. She initially had planned be gone for three months but kept postponing her return, only communicating with Jackson through short facetime sessions.
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Several months later, As Jackson was about to leave the hospital for the day, he suddenly sees in corner of his eye, April laying in a hospital bed with Dr. Hunt seated beside her. Jackson slowly walks into the hospital room, opening his mouth to greet April before Dr. Hunt abruptly cuts in. "Don't crowd her, Jackson. She's gonna be a little groggy, so let's just give her some space."

Jackson began to dismiss Owen's comments by directing his attention back to April. "Hey, April. Are You okay? How do you feel?"

"My head a little hurts." April responded slightly wincing in pain. "Was anyone else hurt, Doctor?" April asked.

"Wait, What happened? Were you seriously injured?" Jackson asked as puzzled look began to spread across his face. "You know who I am, right?"

"Yeah. You're my doctor." April stated bluntly. "Um...Yes I am a doctor. I'm a doctor who's also your husband."

Dr. Hunt cut into the conversation once more after examining the confused expression on Jackson's face. "During the last FaceTime conversation you had with April there was an explosion which is why your conversation was cut short. We were ordered out immediately and had to hop onto several planes. I believe the stress of the explosion and early evacuation has caused swelling tissue to press against her skull, as she has begun to experience early stages of PTSD memory loss."