When Gods Die

Written by: Pagan666 & Thor

Illustrated by: best not get illustrations...

Edited by: Who needs editing??

 The Blood Warrior has no soul, he has no face, his hands drip faeces for eternity and his p*o never gets collected by dung beetles. All who have tried to oppose him or have gotten on his list, the list from Death, have been found with their eyes torn out, their bodies half eaten and their arseholes sucked dry. The ones that have totally disappeared and not been utilised by the netherworlds gate keeper as fertilizer are speculated to have been fully eaten by the blood warrior’s wild boars or slowly eaten by barf scarabs. But now, there is hope, I the warrior of the realm of the great heavens: Valhalla. Call me Surdur. The lord of flaming lightning farts. I marched into battle into his domain and my horse turned into p*o and melted. I felt agony in my heart and a pain in my butt crack. I knew then what I had to do, and as such stopped off at the nearest tavern, sword in hand, and took a Dump. The Blood Warrior then rose and told me that he will let me live as Death tells me that I will quadruple the death and p*o in the world. The Blood Warrior lifted his sword and disappeared with a thunderous bang. I fell and fainted, THE DAMNED BASTARD FARTED……. next I know I’m in a small village and look out to see the Blood Warrior riding out on his charging skeleton dragon with the blood tusks and p*o stuck in his teeth. I walked up and charged into the warrior but was hit by its flaming dung. I then woke up and…well nothing happened. I looked behind me to see a green blood tusked dragon. I then get on it and tamed it with a demonic fart. I flew over the land and sore plenty of blood, rotten meat and lots of p*o. As I found his lair I got hit by catapults firing dung. I fell and wiped the p*op off my face and charged in but was challenged by traps. Every step I took I needed to wade knee deep through a river of dihorreah. I walked in and stepped on a lever that squirted urine into my face and I smashed it rapidly. I then stepped on another and had a bucket of puke pour its contents on me. After that I did a ballerina jump! I got so close but was hit by two soccer b**ls that exploded into faeces. But then I got to the end and…! I really needed to take a dump again, I knew I should not have eaten that laksa yesterday and decide to pass my time by starting this book, at least until the PSP is invented. I then got off the dunny and walked through the gates, suddenly I felt something soft & warm dribble down my leg. S**t, forgot to wipe my arse again. Suddenly I was hit between the legs by the twilight p*o. I picked it up and became: PUTUR! The Viking lord of the p*o sword!!!  I raised the sword to the sky & roar in anger as I s**t my pants….F**king laksa. The stench was overwhelming; behind me an entire town fainted & slowly suffocated. I laughed for I now possessed the p*o mighty enough to annihilate any enemy. Furthermore I bought enough takeaway laksa to last for eternity. All shall bow to me or choke & drown in my faeces. “HOLY S**T! Thor old bud- um why are you twitching on the floor like that?” I said. I shrugged and walked on but was attacked by the great serpent that circles the world! He rose up, roared and sprayed piss all over my face and in my mouth. I then tried to fart but instead fired a giant grogan that exploded into a mushroom cloud of stench and dung. I sniffed the air and decided to use my armpit as a coffee maker and drank the lovely dung…um, DON’T JUDGE ME!!! I then walked around but was hit by a strangely yellow/neon green tidal wave, I drank it all up but noticed the great serpent making another from his giant ten kilometre c**k. I puked it all out and knocked over the serpent. As we went to fight we were hit by a hurricane of vomit. I spat it out and washed down the taste with a nice cup of hot dihorreah, mph… I looked up and down in disgust and roared in anger but I sore Fenris move his head down and I shat my pants, F**king LAKSA!!! I looked around and sore no one there and tried out my Ballerina dancing and yoga traini- are you reading this part… Meanwhile I sore Fenris preparing to lift his leg & piss out the sun. I p*oped in my hand & threw a load of it at Fenris. Unfortunately I hit him right in the b**ls. He simply stared down at me & decides to c**k his leg in my direction instead…… in biblical terms the sin flood had occurred before Noah had a chance to build his ark. All life within 100 miles around was washed away by his unholy blast of urine. This was followed by an almighty cyclone…. Yes, Fenris had farted. P*o rained down upon the world for days…. Guy must have had some laksa. I decided to confront Fenris, after all when it came to farting I was unmatched. I aimed my butt in his direction, closed my eyes and…….fizzer. Just a feeble little gurgle followed by a tiny dribble of p*o. Suddenly I felt an almighty bubbling in my lower intestine & I knew that the Laksa had finally kicked in. Not to mess around I decided to stop this c**p… I counterfarted at Fenris…. A grogan the size of a ballistic missile emerged from my anus & headed straight towards his face. Once again however it hit him in the b**ls, this time castrating him. I clearly remember a yowl with the volume of 100 billion stun grenades. The problem was that it only appeared to, well piss him/her off. D**kless this mutt may have been but, well it was still kinda big. Giant jaws opened around me & the light began to fade. I quickly consumed another take away box of Laksa and immediately felt the effect as my rectum exploded & a torrent of liquefied p*o shot straight down his throat. Well, as we all know a canine’s sense of smell is far superior to our own. Fortunately I managed to escape from between his jaws as he convulsively started to choke, before finally turning into p*o. I start scooping up the s**t with a cup to drink at a later date.