The War Inside Her Head

one shot!

//bored so i wrote this in my course. (Late 2016; I've just edited and updated it)  Lorna on what was happening in her head and having to choose between her head (Vince) and her heart (nicky) I wrote it really fast so I haven't spell checked it or anything like that I'm too tired right now.

Lorna was having a war in her head, she was so confused. She was angry,  hurt,  sad.  She couldn't choose between her head and her heart. Her head was saying she had to be with Vince, keep him happy and then she would be happy. Her heart was saying to choose Nicky, her best friend.. The one person to see her fully in all her flaws and 'craziness' and not leave, the one person who said she loved her and even made lorna believe it.
Everyday was starting to be hell in litchfield, after Nicky had arrived back she couldn't of been happier.. Till she realised and remembered she ruined everything because of marrying Vince. She really did bot think nickywould be coming back and she just didn't want tobe lonely anymore,  afternickygot taken away ift was like her while world came crushing down.  Lorna didn't even like Vince that much..  She only proposed because she knew he was going to end it with her then. She couldn't have that, she couldn't have another person leave her. She just couldn't. Nicky is back now and its making the war in her head explode.
She can feel herself fucking everything up again, with Vince. Even with nicky.  She is going crazy like she did with that mean man Christopher. Again her head is filling with paranoia.. Words and accusations floating around, telling her he is cheating.. he isn't loyal.. he isn't the one. at the same time there's voices saying stay with him, you belong with him. You can't live without him.  She can't help but smash the phone when he calls her 'crazy' she just freaked out.. how dare he say that to her!! She was almost frothing at the mouth. What else was she suppose to do, she couldn't tell nicky, she needed everything to be fine, she needed everything to be good again. So she did what she normally does and did the most drastic thing she could think of just to prove how much she needed him to herself. 
"Were having a baby" she smiled from ear to ear ignoring all the scoffs from everyone around her. She was happy, everything was fine. Everything would work out. She still spent time with nicky, how could she not. But it was hard as nicky wanted her back. She wanted nicky more than anything but this fantasy she was making into a reality again was stopping her.  She was Mrs mucchio now..  No one was going to destroy it.
Until that fateful moment, that is.
She was sitting with reds group next to nicky, they suggested nicky and lorna go to the make out shed to check it out etc. Lorna was confused about what origin pousseys name is. "Is she a French black?" She looked at nicky questioning. "what?" She asked defensively by the shed as Nicky gave her that look that honestly made Lorna feel so many different things,  all which she didn't want to. 
She knew that look in Nicky's eyes. "What?" She repeated again then nicky was on her.. Leaning against her..  At first she did nothing she wanted it to continue then she remembered Vince.. And that she's going to have a baby and she pushed her off. "Stop" she said calmly then repeated it again when Nicky didnt stop.  This time a little louder.  Lorna shoved nicky off and When nicky spoke and gave her that excuse that she's clean and made lorna feel like a prize instead of a person she turned.
"I'm married.. Were having a baby" she yelled almost exasperated.
"No your.. Your not" nicky said exasperated as well.
Lorna saw nicky point to her head as if to say its all in Lorna's head. It hit too close to home she got defensive.. She said some things harshly about not being the sweet and low then said regretfully "Junkie.. Addict.. Liar" she yelled back throwing her jumper at nicky. In that moment she didn't care how much she hurt nicky..  She just wanted everything to be fine and nicky was not making that easy.  Nicky eyes turned and she ran towards lorna pushing her into the fence. "What's the truth huh? What's the truth.. I wanna know.. I mean, what kind of contortions are your brain acrobatics doing up their in your fucking head circus" nicky slaps lorna on the head and it seems to turn a switch in lorna.
Lorna almost sobs she doesn't know what to do or how to handle anything and in that moment she breaks. "I'm fucking everything up.. Its happening again, I'm watching it happening and I can't stop myself.. And hes going to leave me for it.. Then what will IT do.. What will i do.. What I DO?" She yells and gets even more defensive when she saw nicky chuckle. "you happy.. Huh? You happy because its ruined." Lorna glared at nicky as she started "of course not.. Junkie addict liar are not that." Lorna softened as nicky stood beside her and lorna linked their arms together. There she admitted it.. Its ruined, Was all that was going through her head as nicky was confessing what wad inside her 😊wn head.  She almost shed tears when nicky compared herself to what could have been anyone in Lichfield. In that moment she was glad that nicky was here with her, she was happy nicky was safe, not hurt.. Right next to her, she was happy she could finally say out loud what was going through her head. Even if It felt like it was ruining her.  Nicky was still by her side and in that moment that's all that mattered.