I watch the 4:59 turn to 5:00
Who need sleep anyway right ?
I pick myself up off the floor and make my way to the bathroom down the hall, right across from my sister Maddy's room
I shower every morning before school just to keep myself up
I watch the water fall onto my body
not closing my eyes because I'm afraid of what I'll see, I don't even dream anymore, I just watch the backs of my eyes .. all I do at night is go down in the basement through a trapdoor that's placed under my bed and write poems that no one will ever see
The day has barely started and I'm already shaking, holding back tears, struggling to think straight
It's the same thing everyday now
and nobody seems to notice or even care !
"HURRY UP TYLER, DON'T MAKE ME LATE AGAIN!"
My brother Zack says as he bangs on the wooden door almost breaking through.
I grab my towel and practice my smile in the mirror one more time before hurrying to my room
"Everything bad that happens in this house is your fault, Tyler!"
I shut the door behind me and throw myself on the neatly fixed bed that I hadn't slept in for days
"Why does he blame me for everything?" I asked myself.
am I really so shitty that I ruin other people's lives too?
I put on black jeans with my favorite red socks
"I hope this is my last day" I say to myself as the first tear rolls down my face
"KIDS, BREAKFAST" both of my parents yelled at once
I love my parents but if they keep rushing me like this I'm gunna lose it !
I wipe my tears and put on a sweater that my boyfriend gave to me for my birthday, it's white with black lines like a tic tac toe board
I told my parents I bought it
They don't know I have a boyfriend and I'm afraid of what they'll say if I tell them
I think about him a lot, I don't think there's a time of day when I'm not thinking about him.
Joshua, his beautiful brown eyes and that gorgeous smile,
I can't wait to see him tonight
*on the way to school*
Can I stay home today?
"No honey, we already left the house and you can't be missing school anymore, your grades have dropped like crazy "
"Well then, I'm going to Josh's after school"
"I want you to come home first"
"Okay .. "
I turn my head to the window
watching everything go by almost too fast, I put my earbuds in and play one of my favorite Celine Dion song
hoping I get sick at school so I can leave early,
I hate it so much, especially since Josh had to switch schools back in September
His mom got a job offer at an airport that would require them to move and she took it
I still get to see him, just not as much
when I'm with him it's like nothing is real, it's just me and him
It's perfect.
When he kisses me it's like I forget about all the bad things in life
