abandoned.
no purpose, no name. accidently,
the perfect place.
wait
this
is
not
my
home.
leaves and autumn. the tree, the dying tree. who I used to be, that seems so far now. he hasn't touched, who I am now.
but,
the nightmare begins, all over again.
harder to talk.
lips raw,
throat sore,
my jaws are clenched so tight, but,
It is easier to say nothing.
Lie. Lie. Lie.
Does she want to know the truth? (Do I want to know the truth)
outside without,
the perfect leash.
hiding in the open,
one move, one word
will shatter and blow up the world.
it was an accident.
it was. it wa. it w. it. i. avoid that vulnerable moment.
a half forgotten,
vulnerable moment,
has unveiled every knife that sticks inside me.
the moisture on my skin freezes.
I can feel the cut, smell the dirt, leaves in my hair. I wave my wings.
my throat closes off,
to steady myself.
what does it feel like to walk in a new skin? numb, without nerve endings?
but,
I pretend, I'm on the outside looking in, watching rats get lost in mazes.
the world is a dangerous place. right?
what would have happened?
in my head, my voice is clear as a bell but I can't spit it out.
a memory as sharp as fingernails.
a window.
cold air is easier to breathe, slipping like silver mercury down my lungs. nothing to do or say.
I allow
the frozen stillness,
to,
melt down through the inside of me.
my stomach flutters,
sanctuary.
my burrow.
my home?
it has been so long since I've seen the sun.
but,
I come home,
home to an empty home.
without a word.
my head explodes with noise.
with words.
my mind streaks the words like dried blood. a scream starts in my gut-
I can feel the cut.
blue and cherry lights flashing.
Our frog lies on her back.
we are on the ground.
he hurts me hurts me hurts me. wham!
he smiles.
he is killing the tree. there's nothing to do or say. the tree.
me.
it's amazing anything survives.
