Sing me to Sleep, Love |Dirk x Reader|

Let The Bad Writing And Pain Begin.

   You (Y/n) (L/n) are in love with Dirk Strider, your best friend. I know typical right? Well its really hard growing up with a hot, smart, funny, and kind best friend and not falling for him. The thing is Dirk loves someone else, a close friend too.

   Jake English, the man you have been jealous of since you were thirteen. Being Dirks best bro you had the duty of listening to his issues and problems. It was the day he said he was officially in love with Jake that you started cutting. It started out as nothing too big just a few shallow slices on your thigh or wrist, nothing anyone would notice. But as the years went on your feelings never changed and neither did his. He went on and on and on about him.

    If you wanted to save even a single piece of your friendship you needed to listen and help him. It got harder and harder to do as you got older. Your feelings got for him became more than you could bear. Your cuts became deeper and deeper.

    You started wearing sweaters more often, even in the blazing heat of Texas. When Dirk told you he was dating Jake your heart broke, shattered even. Later that night you accidentally cut too deep around a vein. The last thing you remember was your tears stinging in your cuts and your vision blurring from blood loss. You woke up in the hospital the next day, with Dirk at your side.

    Dirk looked like he had been crying. Striders don't cry. When he saw that you were awake he hugged you so tightly that you probably could have died right there. He pulled away from his tight hug. "How long?" he asked. You stayed silent and hugged him tightly again. A sudden realization hit. You didn't die.

    You are now 18 and you are roommates with Dirk. The cutting is still going strong, you cant seem to stop. Every time you try you always relapse. Dirk hasn't said anything, so you assume he doesn't know.

     Today Jake was coming over. Dirk was cleaning out his room, preparing for his boyfriend to come over. It still stung to know he wasn't yours. You walked in his room, looking around at all the progress he has made. "Sup dorkus, hows cleaning going?" "It was better when I didn't have you calling me names and distracting me" You giggled and sat on the clean bed. "Oh, so my company is distracting?" you teased. " Not all the time, but now definitely." "Well then ill leave you to it." 

      You quietly left the room closing the door behind you. You went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of vodka. This bottle will be your best friend tonight. You unscrewed the lid and smelled the powerful stench of the alcohol. You put the bottle back deciding that Dirk would notice it missing.

     You wandered to you room and curled up in bed. You buried your face in your comforter. You noticed how it still faintly smelt like Dirk from when you two had a movie night in your room. That was a good day, one of the only nights in months where you didn't cut, the desire to was gone. He made you happy. You decided to take a nice hot shower, it'd help you relax. You grabbed some clothes and a towel from the linen closet, and made your way to the apartments small bathroom. 

     You stripped your clothes to the floor and put them in the bathroom hamper. You started to run a nice hot bath, hoping it would help you clam down. You found yourself drawn to grab your blades from their drawer. You decided not to tonight cause Jake would be here and if you got caught you didn't want him finding pity in you. You slowly got in the tub, the warm water covering your skin stung as your cut legs sunk lower in the tub. You heard muffled giggles and laughs from outside the door. He was here. maybe you'll need those blades after all.

     You stood up and opened the drawer, finding the blades in your box. You took one out and sat back down, wincing at the pain from the warm water once more. You pushed the blade to your skin, your thoughts jumbling and mixing.The only clear one being Dirk. Your breath hitched as big tears fell down your cheeks, there was so much pain in your heart. You took it out on your legs.