The New Student Experience

Learning A Valuable Lesson

(This is a work of fiction)

It started the minute I walked through the door, the whispers. The judging stares and the insecure feelings.  Even though I'd worked so hard to build up my confidence, it still took one finger pointed in my direction to make me doubt everything about myself, was my outfit stylish enough?  Did I have on too much makeup or not enough?  Was my hair okay?  I forced myself to push such thoughts aside, I should be proud of the things I'd improved about myself, but instead I was still that insecure little bookworm that wanted to fit in with the popular crowd. A tap on the shoulder caught my attention and I looked behind me,  instantly hugging the figure that stood behind me.

"Marguerite!"

"Sarah, how have you been? I missed you this summer! "

"What did you do to yourself?!"

I sighed at the confusion in Sarah's eyes, knowing she would never understand my reasons.

"I was tired of feeling like a freak. I wanted to fit in during our last year . . . I just wanted to graduate without being called a fat pig or lard butt and hearing oinking noises when I walked by. I just wanted to feel normal for once."

Sarah stepped back, shaking her head at me, disappointment in her eyes.

"So you sold out to fit in with everyone else?"

I felt anger building up inside of me, how dare she act like she would understand my feelings. Even if she was considered a nerd like me, at least she had never had food thrown at her in the lunch room or have people shout earthquake when she walked down the hall . . . I mean even if she's called a nerd she's like a size six so how could she ever understand how hard I worked to lose weight just to be able to spend this last year of school with my head held high.  The anger I had been feeling melted away, replaced by sadness. Of course she wouldn't understand, she never had to worry about her weight or watch what she ate or drank; she didn't understand what I'd gone through and never would.  I walked away from her without replying, just wanting to get today over with so I could go home.

"Hey, wait up!"

I didn't turn around, but kept walking,  looking down at the schedule so I could find my first class. Math, just great. My least favorite subject. Jerking my backpack up higher on my shoulders, I picked up speed, letting out a weak gasp when my backpack was grabbed  and I was roughly turned around, only to find myself face to face with Sheila, Stephanie and Sandra;  the school's most popular girls in school.

Sheila:

"You must be new here. Here's some advice, if you don't want to be seen as a loser,  you should stay away from the geeks . . . especially the one named Marguerite."

"Marguerite?"

Stephanie:

"Yeah, she's a whale who causes earthquakes every time she walks down the hall."

Sandra:

"Yeah, whenever she comes into the lunchroom all her blubber makes me lose my appetite."

Sheila:

"And did you see that  acne? I mean didn't she ever hear of proactive?"

"M-Maybe she's nice."

Sandra:

"The ugly ones are always nice because that's the only way anyone will pay attention to them. Just take our advice and stay away from her."

My heart pounding painfully in my chest, I fought back tears, knowing that I needed to stand up for myself and everything I'd overcome.

"I think I can make up my own mind who I want to hang out with and even if I didn't want to hang out with another student, that still doesn't give you the right to judge others or talk down about others. Not everyone is as lucky as you are and you're only making their lives harder because you like making others feel small."

A crowd had gathered by this time and everything was waiting to see what they would do.

Stephanie:

"Who do you think you are? No forget that, it's not important , do you know who we are? We run this school and set all the trends.  We make and break everyone. With one word we can make you a hero or a reject."

I shook my head,  a small sad smile crossing my lips.

"And the truly sad part is that I believed that for three years. I was so convinced that you guys were perfect that I was willing to do whatever it took to get you to notice me, because I stupidly believed that what you said was  true. But now I realize that you aren't an authority on what makes people worth being around.  You don't have to look, dress or act a certain way for people to like you and if others don't agree with that,  then they aren't worthy of being your friends."

Someone stood clapping and we all turned to see Sarah staring at me with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. Making my way over to her, I gave her a quick hug.

"You were right,  I am a sellout.  I should have just loved myself instead of changing to impress people who only like people who fit into their mold."

"No, Marguerite, I shouldn't have gotten on your case especially after you worked so hard to improve yourself. "

I heard everyone murmuring and I released Sarah to face the crowd.

"That's right. I'm Marguerite. Otherwise know as earthquake or the whale or lard butt. I'm the girl everyone threw food at. I'm the girl who had the bolts loosened on my desk so it could break when I sat down. I'm the girl who went to junior prom alone because it was too embarrassing for anyone to be seen with me and I'm the girl that completely changed the way she looked because I thought it would get others to accept me. But I realize it doesn't matter if I'm accepted by anyone else if I refuse to accept myself. "

If you want me to tell you that everyone became my friends that day and I was sure this last year was going to be better, well that's not what happened.  A few people approached me and I now have  a small group of friends to call my own, but to everyone else I'm still a nerd . . . but I've become stronger and I feel more comfortable with myself and my flaws. What I'm saying is that you don't have to change your hair, your weight or your style to impress temporary critics, instead change the way you think of yourself, because once you see how beautiful you are; they'll never be able to put you down or hurt you.  That's the lesson I learned on my first day back to school and I'm glad I did.