I looked at her. Her tears were....real? I think they were real. Something in the pit of my stomach sunk. Plummeted. No. I'm far too easily manipulated. And she's far too good at manipulating people. Words spilled from my mouth. Daggers. I felt like a ghost. Like I'd left my body and was watching me stand there yelling at a crying, hurting woman. Me. Daniel Jackson. Who once would've been the last person to say hurtful things to an obviously already hurting person. For one I wouldn't have had the guts. For two I wouldn't have been able to articulate the rage or confusion. I watched myself. Everything in me trying to scream at myself to stop hurting her. But I couldn't. I couldn't stop.
Because the other part of me was yelling at myself that to for God's sake to do anything it took not to let her make me fall in love with her.
She sat on my bed in my small metallic bed room in the earth space ship, Prometheus. Her black hair hid her sharp-featured face. A loose sweater and pants stood in sharp contrast to her usually seductive clothes.
I'd been so good at keeping her away. Keeping her from getting to me. I'd been so so good (if I do say myself) at becoming very good friends with Vala but keeping myself from liking her in that way.
I was too naive. I knew that. Too naive to keep from falling for her acting. Her lies. She'd tricked me into thinking she liked me or cared about me one time too many for me to even PRETEND to believe her now.
Ever since I'd met her, trying to take me hostage and steal my ship to the years of successful rehabilitation and even working alongside each other she'd never stopped trying to bend rules, con one person or another, steal this or that, seduce this man or the other.
Sure she tried hard to be better but...
If she thought I was some toy to be played with like all her other sexual flings she'd messed with the wrong archeologist! Did she think I was some guy who could just bed a girl for fun and move on? Did I look like a playboy to her? No I didn't. That's why I must be so fun to play with. She knew. She knew loosing my wife came inches from destroying me years after the fact. How dare she try to make me feel something again that could destroy me like that! How dare she try to use me to her advantage! Did she have ANY IDEA how hard it was to pretend I wasn't attracted to her? To try to be kind and not give in to her childish lies and flirtations?
All this time I yelled at the friend in front of me. YELLED at her. Did I know I was hurting her? Yes. She wilted at my words. But I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop.
I WOULDN'T listen to her toy tears. No. No. I wouldn't be her toy! I wouldn't loose the friendship we'd spent years developing! No! No!
Silence reined. At last. Silence had been begging to be heard and as soon as I stopped yelling knives at one of my best friends silence fell thick on the room. She sat there. Bleeding.
She wouldn't look at me.
I heard her lies. The quite snivels, and my heart went sick. No. She won't hurt me. But what was I doing? Hurting her to keep her from hurting me? I had to. I had to.
This wasn't me. I don't hurt people.
I sat down on the bed next to her. If I know anything..... which I don't.... Those tears were real. Against every fear I touched her shoulder and she dropped her face into her hands.
What.
What.
"Just give me a minute..." her British voice broke with pain.
What had I said... Lots of things. My stomach hung on the edge of a cliff. God I could jump over it with no assurance of what was on the other side......
Her empty eyes stood there in front of me. Tears glittering on her lashes. That silly. Silly. Face. That flirty. Selfish. Extravagant. Mischievous little. Stupid. Wonderful little lost girl. Trying so hard not to be found out for the broken vase she was. I knew it. All along.
I push her face my way. I knew it. I knew she honestly wanted honest love. For once. I just-
She finally looked up and I felt a light shine from behind my eyes. I was letting it down. I was letting it go.... and I felt warm light shining, reflected in her eyes.
I took her chin and let right take its place. Kissing her, her genuine child yet ages old, broken shards met me with hope and release. Something I had almost missed.
I pulled back.
I smiled and her face excepted it. And it felt right, but I said it. "You'd better not be messing with me."
Her eyes answered that question with a depth and softness I'd never seen before...and so it happened.
...
...
The next morning.
I opened my eyes to stillness.
The quite whir of the ship, mimicked birds of earth in my mind.
Everything was still. Everything was quite.
Everything was perfect.
The girl lying on the bed beside me was not the Vala I'd known years before. Only she really was. I always knew she was in there. I always knew it. But I didn't dare believe it. Because I'm an idiot.
Because I'm an idiot.
But. Thanks to the grace of God. I'm the happiest idiot who ever lived.
I let warm tense breath leave my mouth in the quite of the dawn, touching Vala's cheek gently with a finger.
Sha're was my one and only.
The old Daniel's only true love and companion.
The new Daniel. A bit more broken. And hurtful. And lost. Could never have imagined to find a companion as genuine and perfect. Someone just as broken and lost as he was.
Her eyes fluttered open and she turned on her pillow and rested her head against my chest. Still asleep. I bent my head and kissed the top of her head. I turned and watched out the window to the stars. To the emptiness of space. I rubbed her arm and pulled her a little closer, warmth creeping from my chest up and out.
Pushing a strand of black hair from her face I smiled gently. "Hey, sweetie," I said it with a little irony. She blinked groggily and I laughed quietly.
"Is it breakfast time already?" She yawned and rubbed her eye.
"Just about," I sighed, watching her.
She cuddled closer to me and closed her eyes. "I'm not a morning person."
I pulled her covers a little higher. "There's chocolate donuts."
With a groan she sat up and stretched, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. "I'm up."
I sat up watching her with a smile as she stumbled for the door.
"Hey!" I fake annoyance, and she groggily turned around.
"Hm? What did I forget my shirt or something?"
"No." I lifted my glasses from the bedside table and slipped them on, then crossing my arms and staring sternly at her.
"What?" she seemed concerned.
"I don't get a good morning kiss?"
Her frown changed quickly into a smile that spanned quickly into a wide grin.
She ran up and jumped on the bed on top of me. I laugh, falling backwards onto the bed.
"Woah! I didn't know kisses were so all encompassing," I laughed.
She pulled my glasses off and neatly folded them, sticking them in her shirt pocket.
"They are now, Dr. Daniel Jackson."
I smiled at her.
