Tears of Remorse

Tears of Remorse

I isolate my self and huddle in a sheltered corner

Away from all the trouble and constant bother.

My thoughts immediately begin to roam years back.

When I thought I was cool and I thought I was "bad"

Little did I know; in something important I lacked

That something was the key to bliss and happiness.

It would have put my heart at ease and rest. 

Reminiscing this all makes me ashamed. 

That thing that I lacked- well Imaan was it's name

I treated life as if it was a stupid game.

The more and more I indulged in sins.

The more and more I became "thick-skinned"

Absolutely arrogant is what I had been.

If only, If only is all that I can disclose

Because, that was the path that I had chose

I wish i could turn back time and do things differently.

Unfortunately, that is impossible no matter how much I weep.

This is all my fault I begin to say.

And, this is the price that I have to pay

Regret, remorse and grief..

And this is the so-called lifestyle I wanted to lead?!!

My mother's advice begins to ring in my ears.

Those words that start to address my fears

The words that I then did not heed

I love you my son please do not stray

Oh the amount of hurt it causes me; for you I pray

O dear son stay on the straight path

I love you most , I really do.

But, when you do such things hun

it makes me wonder who are you?

There are two choices, I will tell you blatent.

Happiness of temporary or permanent.

It is obvious for those with common sense.

Permanent happiness in heaven, no end.

But, it is not easy to get the ticket.

You have to work for it bit by bit.

Be good here, you will get it there.

No fatigue and no despair.

O dear one, it pains me most to know that you're my son.

Life is not a big joke and not all about fun.

Life is a test almost like a big maze

Choose the right path and change your ways.

Those were the words that my mother said

The same words that I; on hearing it fled

Oh the things that I uttered without even sparing one thought ahead

She shed tears of anger, sadness guilt and dread

But did I care? No I did not, I was a heartless soul with an air-filled head.

However everything has to come to a stop; a limit- an end

I've pushed myself up to the very tip of the edge of my boundary

Now all the consequences of my deeds,; they come back  to haunt me. 

My eyes start to swell up, and my heart starts to bleed.

The pain, the heartache and all my greed.

My lips start to quiver and my cheeks start to dampen

I look towards the ray of sun.

I try to fight it back and be strong.

But, the flood gates of tears are now hung wide open

My insides a burning, a deep feel of agony in my chest

Loud acid sobs I let out while I grieve and fret

The two rivers running down to my mouth.

I raise my hands up high, as I cry

Addressing Allah, the most High.

I sob aloud and scream and shout.

"YA ALLAH FORGIVE ME!!"

"I COMMITED SO MANY SINS FOR THE WORLD TO SEE"

" I WANT TO CHANGE!! I WANT TO FORGET!! I WANT TO START ANEW!!"

"I MAKE A PROMISE!! AND IT WILL BE TRUE"

"FROM TODAY ON I WILL BECOME A BETTER PERSON"

"I WAS BAD!! I WAS SINFUL!!"

"HERE AM I!! HAVE MERCY ON ME BEFORE I DIE"

I do the only thing that comes to mind

I frantically search for the prayer rug

I have left it abandoned for so very long.

That I feel the need to give it a heartfelt hug

My hands and forehead connect with the floor

My heart melts at the warmth as I feel the nearness of Allah for sure.

I feel comforted and I feel safe

The sweetness of *sajdah is what I crave

*Sajdah= The act of prostration during prayer.

First Step of Repentance: Realisation that you committed wrong

Second Step of Repentance: Regretting that you committed it.

Third step of repentance: Sincerely asking Allah for forgiveness

Fourth Step Of Repentance: Not returning back to committing the same sin again. 

(Fifthstep of repentance (optional) : If you have hurt anyone you must ask for their forgiveness too)

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As-Salaamu Alaykum Wrahmatullahi Wbarakaatuhu and Hi to those who have read this! :) 

Thank you so much  & Jazakumullahu Khayran for having the patience to read right through the end..

constructive criticism is most welcome!