Talk to Me

Chapter One

As I typed away boredly on the English essay I had due the next morning, my phone buzz. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the Snapchat logo pop up. I smiled to myself, but ignored it, not paying attention to who had actually sent it. Eventually, when I'd not so painstakingly edited my essay, I picked it up and saw that it was from Alex, with a goofy heart eyes emoji after it.

I opened it and just saw a picture of Alex, shirtless, with his dog trying to get on his chest. I smiled again and responded with a blurry picture of my computer screen, which at the time was just the home screen of google docs.

I hit the tiny print icon on the screen when I went back inside the document, but my printer decided to pick that moment to be completely out of black ink. Needless to say, I found it extremely unamusing. I took that moment to tell myself I'd just print it from the library the next morning.

My phone buzzed again.

This time he just looked kind of blank, but I could see his dog in the background. Across the screen it just said, "Essay?"

I laughed, took an awkwardly angled picture of myself, and typed out "yup."

Almost immediately he responded with, "Sounds like fun."

After I closed my laptop, and took a picture of my cat sitting on the other side. "Oh absolutely."

Just a picture of his dog came after that.

"How's your gf" I typed over a picture of my blue and green striped comforter.

So, if you haven't caught on by this point, the heat eyes emoji is very one sided. I mean very, very one sided. As in so one sided he doesn't even know it exists. He probably has a heart eye emoji by his girlfriend's name, though. They were together long before I knew him, of course, and will probably be together long after he stops realizing I exist.

"Good I think haven't seen her in a while," he replies after a small amount of time.

"Oh."

She didn't go to school with us, but he met her through his club swim team. I met him through getting in extremely politically based arguments in my history class. Not with him, though, with the other kids in my class who were awful and couldn't stop interrupting conversations that weren't theirs. He always fought on my side and it was just really great.

"it's ok I'll probably see her tmrw."

"so you won't be talking to me then?"

"Nah, I will."

"Really?"

"Well, maybe not for like a twenty minute span." The picture was of him poking his finger through a hole on his bedpost.

"You're foul."

"yup."

I grinned simply because I could. As much as I knew he had a girlfriend, I often found myself wishing he didn't because, for christ's sake, if he didn't he just might fall for me.

Then again, I was probably so completely friendzoned after nearly two years that life would probably resume as normal.

"Won't she be pissed if you're talking to me instead of her?"

"She generally sleeps afterwards."

It felt like someone was trying to shove a butterknife between my ribs. Which was dumb, really, because I knew I didn't have a chance. He had sex with his girlfriend who was probably stunning and funny and sweet. I had gotten out of a seriously abusive relationship to find myself fucked up enough to have to dig my way out of depression. Alex helped, actually. Not intentionally, and it's not like he ever realized it, but he made me really happy for the first time since my ex had gotten really bad.

I found myself staring off at a small spider in the corner of my room.

I bet it doesn't have to deal with crushes on guys who had girlfriends, I thought to myself.

I started when my phone buzzed again, and I almost groaned when I saw the heart eyes. Then I realized I hadn't responded to him for almost ten minutes. I opened the new one.

"U ok?"

I left it on open for a few minutes pondering this question. I mean, was I ok? Probably. Did talking to him make it feel as though I was about to pass out, thus making me not ok? Probably.

"Yeh."

I got a smiling picture of him in return.

He was so far from perfect, and yet, someone somewhere had decided that this was the guy who was going to be exactly like me.

Same political views. Same sense of humour. We're able to keep each other on our toes and it was just so perfect that it was hard to believe. My ex had hated him so much that it never even occurred to him to be jealous.

I ran a hand along my cat's back as she stretched across my lap. The other one, Mills, bumped her head against my side. I sent Alex a picture of Mills.

I sent the same picture to my best friend, Christine. She hated Duchess, my older cat, but loved Mills. Mills was a kitten who wanted to be treated like a puppy, and Christine loved it. Christine had also steadily maintained through the entirety of knowing Alex that he had a crush on me, especially once he and I started talking more frequently.

"I LOVE MILLS" came Christine's response. I sent a picture of Duchess and waited for her to get all pissed off at me, per usual.

"Liza!" My mother shouted from the kitchen. "It's nearly time for dinner!"

My name momentarily snapped me out of my daydreaming about Alex sitting with me and the cats criticizing the Percy Jackson movies. The part that makes it a daydream would be the cuddling, but you know.

I set my phone down on the bed, and turned off my lamp. My phone buzzed again as I left the room, but I left without checking it.