"Meena" a soft voice whispers in my ear. I turn over on my bed and try to block it out. "Meena, don't you have a meeting today?" the voice inquires. "Not until 10." I groan.
A hand smacks my leg "Oh Jesus, Meena it's 9:30." I jolt up, my sister is kneeling beside me. "Why didn't you wake me up at 8 like I aksed you to?!" I screeched, fumbling for my phone as I scrambled out of bed.
Alex, my little sister, stood up nonchalantly and made her way into the other room "I've been trying to wake you up for the last hour, but you wouldn't budge" she called from the bathroom. I strip out of my pajamas and haphazardly throw on a pair of jeans and a blouse.
"He's gonna kill me." I mutter as I pull my hair into a pony tail. Alex enters the bedroom with a tooth brush stuck in her mouth "Who is? Jay? So what if you're a little late. You're the artistic director. It's not like you're his lacky" she states. For an 11 year old she sure does have a smart mouth. I ignore her and count how many twists it takes until the rubber band holds my hair tightly. When the number comes out odd I do it again. Do it again Meena, what if this meeting goes badly because of you. A voice echoes in my head. So I take my hair down and put it back up 6 more times. Thats better. The voice cheers.
"You're so weird" Alex chuckles as she watches me. I push past her to brush my teeth in the bathroom. I brush each tooth 24 times... Just for good luck. "Have fun." Alex calls after me as I go bounding out of the apartment.
Honestly, I thought working at a music label would be a lot more exciting and rewarding than it is. As artistic director I work over costumes, makeup, and sometimes even music video themes. I moved to korea a year ago just for this job. My sister and I were oiginally raised in Queens New York. My mother was Korean American and my father was a black man from the UK. They both passed away. So here I am, in a living hell. The AOMG boys aren't exactly easy to work with, they pick fights with every idea I propose, they diss me at work, and they treat me like an assistant. I just wish I had more of a say in the company.
* * *
"You're late." Yuna, the front desk Secretary cooes as I jog by.
I enter the conference room and drop down into a seat as swiftly as I possibly can. Unfortunately, all eyes in the room still manage to be on me. Lee, the road manager nudges me and says "you're late." I just stare down at my lap. "Thanks for coming." A snarky voice remarks from across the room. I look up to see Simon eyeing me from across the table. "We had to wait almost an hour." Loco adds, putting his feet up on the table.
I clear my throat and sit up straight. Trying to gain a bit of confidence "It won't happen again." I manage to choke out. I'm such a loser "This meeting isn't about Meena." Jay states. All eyes leave me and go to him. He was standing at the end of the table. "This meeting is about our album release party tonight." He adds. Everyone nods.
He begins to pace around the table and I can't help but count his steps. 7. He eyes me "This is the first Aomg company album with tracks from all of the artists so this is going to be a big night." 13 . Stop looking at me. My skin feels tingly and itchy at the mension of the album. I had designed the jacket for it. What if people didnt like the jacket? What if the album didn't sell well because of my jacket? Why was Jay stopping in front of me. He needed to keep walking to make his steps even, please. If they're not even then the album won't sell. I look up at the figure posted in infront of me. "Will you give a speech tonight at the party?" He asks, staring down at me. I nod unknowingly, unable to remove my eyes from his face. Jesus, why was he so attractive. He looks down at my blouse and smiles "You're shirts on inside out." he whispers.
My face grows red and I grab at my collar. I am finally able to breathe again when he walks away. I count his steps again. 14 steps to get back to where he was originally standing. Good. Even numbers are good. I zone
out for the rest of the meeting and count the ticks of the clock behind me. I nod my head every time I hear a click. Doing things like this helps me focus. It keeps me from ruining things for others. I suppose in a sense If I count then I can prevent bad things from happening. It may sound stupid, but it's the only way I can stay sane.
"Are you really gonna give a speach?" Hoody asks, following me out of the conference room. She is so much prettier than me that even being near her makes me feel unworthy. It takes me a minute to even remember what Jay had said, then it hits me hard. "I think I may have made a mistake." I say avoiding eye contact with her.
* * *
In the confines of my office I rest my head on my desk and try to figure out how my life got so fucked up. When a friend of mine who's close to Jay told me they had an opening for a artistic director at AOMG I thought it was heaven sent. Alex would of been sent to a foster home if I hadn't gotten this job, but now it seems it would of been best for that to happen.
Here in Korea she has no friends and no way to communicate with the other children since she never learned korean. To top it off we live in a tiny one bedroom one bath. Apartment. The walls are so thin that if you breathe too loudly the neighbors will probably complain.
I let out a sight and sit up. I find myself face to face with Gray. He is sitting across from me holding a cup of coffee. "Here" he says, handing me the cup. I take it greatfully. Gray is the only friend I have here at AOMG.
"You look down." He probes, staring at me like he can't figure me out. I shake my head "I'm just really stressed out. Alex got in another fight at her school yesterday so she's suspended for 3 days. And now I have to give a speech at the party."
Gray gives me a sweet smile and my heart flutters a little bit. "Don't get yourself so worked up over things you can't control. It'll only drive you crazy. Even if you would of said no to the speech thing Jay would of probably still made you give one. He's making all of the directors do it." I mull this over in my head. Maybe Gray is right. I should just let the dice fall where they may and live life one day at a time. I open my mouth to talk but my phone rings, cutting our conversation short.
It's Alex "They're kicking us out." She cries into the phone. I stand up abruptly, knocking my chair over. "What?"
"They're kicking us out. The security guy said someone new owns the building now and that at the end of the week we have to be out so they can repaint all of the rooms. It's a riot out here. All the residents are screaming and shoving. I tried to talk to someone but no one speaks english" Her voice is shrill and panicky. "I'll be right there. Go inside and wait for me." I yell into the receiver before hanging up.
Gray stands up too "what's wrong" he asks. Im in so much shock that I can't even talk.
This is your fault. You should of brushed your teeth an extra 10 times. You should of counted your steps to work this morning. You didnt nod your head enough when the clock was ticking.
The voice in my head grows louder and louder and the room begins to spin. "I need to go." I tell Gray. I almost fall as I'm leaving and he grabs me to steady my body. Skin to skin contact make the voices even worst. My temples begin to pound and I cant breathe. "Don't touch me." I snap, pushing him away. I run out of my office, leaving a speechless Gray in my wake.
I don't stop running until I'm almost home. When I get to my apartment complex Alex is sitting outside surronded by trash bags and boxes, so are dozens of other residents. She looks up at me and just starts sobbing. "They made me put all of our stuff in trash bags. We can't go back into the apartment." She says through snot and tears. I pull her up and hug her as tight as I can.
"I'm so sorry." I say. She just hugs me back and we stand there for a long time. Eventually I call a storage place and ask them how much it is to rent a storage unit, then I call a moving truck. After we load everything onto the truck it's almost 7:30pm my phone buzzes in my my pocket. It's Jay.
I take a deep breath before answering "Where the fuck are you?!" He screams. "We have less than an hour before the party. Do you think this is a joke? You think that you can just leave for hours on end!?!? This isn't a playground. It's a job" His voice is dripping with anger. I look at Alex who is frowning at me. I wish I had her courage and then I would tell Jay exactly what I think about him. But I dont.
"I got caught up in a personal matter." I say, turning away from Alex. I hear her scoff behind me.
"Look, I don't give a fuck. Just get your ass over here now." With that he hangs up. I clutch my phone in my hand, squeezing it until my knuckles turn white. Why'd I have to be such a pushover. Now is not the time to be running off to a party when I just got kicked out of my apartment, but even if I told Jay would he be lenient with me? He always pushes me around and makes me feel worthless. The last thing I needed was him knowing I had been thrown out on the street. He'd just hold it over my head and make me beg for his help.
I finally come to a decision and turn ton my heels "Come on." I call to Alex. She follows behind me unwillingly "Where are we going?" She asks.
Swallowing the lump in my throats I reply "To a party"
