(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.
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Was it wrong to dream?
A little girl asked herself that as she laid on the dirty, broken mattress she considered a bed, curled up under a thin, flimsy blanket that did nothing to keep the cold away- attempting to block out the sound of her parents screaming at other, like she did every night.
Was it wrong to dream?
She pressed the hard, lumpy pillow- that she found near the dumpsters in an alley close to their apartment- closer to the side of her head, wanting nothing more than for the harsh, hurtful arguing to disappear. And although the shattering of glass and the loud thumps of objects being thrown around were nothing new to her, she couldn't help but flinch every time the noises reached her ears.
Was it wrong to dream?
She asked herself once more, finding herself unable to answer no matter how many times the question popped into her mind.
Was it?
She winced at even the slightest movement she made, feeling pain from bruises and wounds- both old and new.
Because she felt like the world was punishing her for doing so.
She took deep breaths, but despite this she still felt like she couldn't breathe- like she was suffocating. Her chest felt heavy. Her heart felt empty. A tear rolled down her cheek, but she didn't bother to wipe it.
And suddenly, everything slowed down.
Her surroundings began to look blurred and murky. The racket had become muffled. Cool sensations engulfed her small body in waves.
It was like she had just been submerged in water, sinking down to the very bottom ever so slowly, losing air as seconds continued to pass by.
You'd think she'd try to swim back to the surface. However, she stayed still. Allowing herself to be carried away- like dust in the wind.
All she wanted was for the pain to end.
She calmly let her lids flutter close, embracing the familiar feeling overtaking her; the reality she had grown accustomed to.
She just wanted a better life.
Numbness.
Was that too much to ask?
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