Losing Sleep

Lately I've been, I've been losing sleep. Dreaming about the things that we could be...
-Counting Stars by OneRepublic

She often found herself unable to sleep. At night when she lay down in bed, her mind would be wide awake. She would cuddle with her boyfriend's sweatshirt, one that she had stolen from him long ago, and inhale his scent.

Like most boys, he smelled of Axe, but to her, he smelled like more than that.

He smelled safe.

He smelled like home.

He smelled like someone she could rely on.

He was the only person she could ever say that she heavily leaned on. No matter how pathetic it made her feel, she needed him. She relied on him like he was the crutches to get her around on a broken leg.

He terrified her the way many people were scared of new things. What they had and how he made her feel was terrifying, but it was also exhilarating like jumping off a plane and not plummeting to your death.

It was beyond words.

She crawled into bed with a sigh, a rough throw of covers over her body, and his sweatshirt. She inhaled his scent, and wished that he was there so that it could be him instead of his sweatshirt in her arms. She clicked off her bedside lamp, made herself comfortable, and closed her eyes.

When her eyes were closed, she could be anyone, anything, and could go anywhere.

Tonight, she was herself and her destination was in his arms.

She daydreamed of their future, but not in the proposed, married, living happily ever after with children kind of way.

She daydreamed about when she would see him next, the next time she would kiss him, the next time she would tell him that she loved him.

She imagined that he was in bed next to her, and they were wrapped in each others arms the way they both so desperately wished.

Eventually her eyes opened and she rolled over in bed. 1:04 AM in blocky red numbers glared at her accusingly.

She fumbled for her phone on the bedside table next to the clock and sure enough, its clock read 1:05.

She unplugged her phone from its charger, rolled onto her back, and stared at her home screen. It was a beautiful picture of them.

He had that goofy grin on his face that he wore when he was really, truly happy. In that moment his hazel eyes were chocolate, and his brown hair was cut her favorite way. It was just long enough for her to run her hands through it the way that both he and she liked.

And then there was her, in his arms.

She looked stupid with her tawny brown hair all over the place. Of course he claimed that she was beautiful, the way he thought it was cute when her nostrils flared. She hated it when her nostrils flared, no matter how many times he said it was cute.

Okay, so maybe she didn't really mind the way her nostrils flared, because she really, really, didn't mind the way he said, "I think it's cute".

She adjusted his sweatshirt in her arms and thought about the times when she had checked her phone when she was with him. He would turn the screen off repeatedly until she gave up and put her phone away.

Of course when he checked his phone he was too quick and strong for her to be able to do the same and make his screen go black.

Her screen did just that.

She had been so lost in her thoughts that her phone had shut off due to the two minute screen timeout.

She unlocked her phone again, and clicked on their messages. Would he be awake?

She didn't want to accidenty wake him up just because she couldn't sleep. And what was she to say anyway?

Hey baby, are you awake? I'm sorry to txt you this late but I can't sleep.

And when she hit send she knew he would ask her why she couldn't sleep, and she didn't know how to say: I can't sleep because I've been dreaming about you, about us.

She nearly dropped her phone, more like threw it actially, when it vibrated against her hands in a heartbeat staccato, his ringtone.

Hey babe, are you awake?

She almost made herself wait at least two minutes before responding like she had when they had first started dating in an attempt to not seem desperate or whatever, but she hadn't done that in a long time, and now, at 1:08 AM, was not the time to do so.

Hey baby, I'm awake. Can't sleep? She responded.

Yeah, would u like to kno y? It's kind of embarrassing.

Tell me

Lately I've been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could be

She dropped her phone on her face.

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-Occult